Zen and the Art of Sleeping

I sent this piece to The Hindu in hope of getting it published and thereby making it big in the literary world. But strangely, THE HINDU took the opposite view about my abilities and decided that it could do better service to the literary world by ignoring this piece and therby the author. With a philosphical shake of head, I decided to put this on my blog. May be one day the Hindu would realise that it had allowed a 24 carat gold to slip through its fingers.Hmmm.....Read it and if you can, enjoy.......BTW this piece is dedicated to Naren,my class mate at IIT, the man who could sleep even while eating.




“You What?”, I screamed.

“I teach people the art of the sleeping”, Naren replied.

I could not get myself to believe this crap. “Naren. Are you telling me that you teach people how to sleep?”

He nodded.

“Can’t they sleep for themselves?”

He shook his head.

“And you make money out of it?” I asked.

“Pots full”

I felt I was in Disneyland. Here was Naren, my college mate whom I had not met for a couple of years now, telling me he earns his pay packet teaching others to fall asleep. And we all thought he was pursuing his research career at TIFR.

“Yes. I am still pursuing science. But you know…that does not pay a lot. Science is my intellectual passion but I also have a girl friend to entertain these days.”

That was news to me.

“Great going, boss.” I congratulated him. We walked into a nearby restaurant.


“But tell me Naren, how did this thing start?”

“You do know that I can fall asleep anytime, anyplace. So I thought I could make money out of this strength of mine.”

“Make money out of your weakness, you mean”.

“You could say that. “, he replied grinning.

To make a living (pretty luxurious one at that) out of one’s weakness is probably the greatest gift the creator could probably bestow upon one. Naren was bloody lucky.

Years rolled back. Naren had easily established his reputation as the incomparable sleeper in college. He slept when in class, he slept when in hostel, he slept in the lab, he slept in the bathroom and of course in that most private den of all loners, the… ahem…rest room.

People yawn when bored. Yawning is the first sign that the brain is tired and needs rest. Naren did away with all that meaningless symbolism. He straight away drifted into sleep. The strategy he adopted for sleeping without getting caught in the class room is probably worth a scientific study. Where one to list the steps, it would be something like this.

1) Seat yourself behind reasonably tall guys. Girls, however tall won’t do, because they are always bending down taking notes. Most guys don’t bother indulging in this meaningless activity.

2) Don’t take the back benches. Teachers are always watching the back benchers. The middle of the class is probably the best place to be seated if you want to sleep.

3) Position yourself as if you are taking down notes. The head needs to be at the correct angle to the desk. If you bend the head too much, the teacher gets suspicious.

4) And the most important point to be noted. Don’t nod your head while sleeping. Even a kindergarten kid knows that the nodding father is not listening to its banter.

With so much strategy and planning going into his snooze, it can come as no surprise that he was the most successful sleeper in the class. He was the role model and a source of inspiration for all those unlucky comrades who were often caught napping in the class room. Though he did not publish a “How to stop listening and start sleeping” to enlighten the rest of the world, he was kind enough to give us beleaguered junta a few vital hints towards successful sleeping in the class.

But for a long time I had my doubts about his capabilities. It is all fine sleeping when the teacher drones on. It probably acts as a lullaby, sedating and gently lulling one into sleep. But what when the environment is not as cozy and silent as in a restroom or a classroom? Will our hero be able to catch his forty winks then? I never voiced my doubts, but they persisted in my mind. But I realised that I had wronged the genius by doubting his ability, when he slept undisturbed sitting in the first row at Sathyam theatre. We had gone to watch that extremely noisy movie “Lord of the Rings”. He once again proved his calibre when he slept undisturbed while we were watching “Virumandi”, another noisy movie, on the second day of its release, along side a lot of vociferous Kamal fans who were having a gala time screaming and shouting at the top of their voices.

The crashing of a glass at the next table brought me back to the present. No wonder that Naren choose to indulge in something which is child’s play to him. I looked at him sitting across the table at the restaurant. The guy was obviously rolling in the stuff. He had all signs of prosperity including the pot belly.


“So how do you teach? Do you teach at your place or teach at some Yoga class”, I asked.

“No…You seem to have got the wrong picture. I don’t do it in a small scale. I basically deal with guys in the corporate world and all the school going kids. They are the ones who have forgotten how to sleep. They are the ones who need to be taught to sleep. I go to the offices and schools with my full retinue of disciples and give live demonstrations on happy sleeping”, replied Naren.

“Disciples…?” My eyes popped out. “Do you go about under some assumed name. Some Sleepananda or Snoozeananda.”, I cried.


“Hey! Don’t be gross. My disciples call me ‘Maharishi NithyaNidreshawara’”.

“Maharishi nizznzwzz…?”

“NityaNidreshwara. Nitya means daily and Nidra means sleep. I am the One who is giving them their daily quota of sleep”

I was flabbergasted. My eyes by then had got used to their popped out position and my mouth had long since refused to close.

“In an age where sleep is at best considered a luxury and at worst a waste of time, one has to really teach people the value of a good sleep. Sleep is the first thing to be cut when we are forced to find extra time. But do we realise that we can never hope to be more efficient by cutting down on our sleep? This has been my personal experience and I take it across to the millions in this land which is fast taking over the mantle of the ‘Country That Never Sleeps’”, Naren lectured.

“Hope you don’t charge me for this lecture”, I quipped.

“I have a series of lecture demonstrations in Chennai this week. So do attend. I will send you the invitation”, he offered.

“What is the name of this lecture series?”, I asked.

“Zen and the Art of Sleeping.” he replied

“Fine.I will surely come. But….”, I dragged

“Yes?”

“Why Zen?” I enquired as he got into his car.

“Because anything Zen seems to sell, be it car or sleep”, he smiled and drove away, leaving me dazed and direly in need of sleep.