My experiment with physics

If you are steadfast in your aim in experimenting with the physicists and lab attendents, even while the people around you are losing their heads over experiments with inanimate molecules and face less atoms, then you will be Sridhar my Son. Now that is what Rudyard Kipling might have said IF he had known me. But since he didn’t have the good fortune, I will bear the cross of narrating my own experiments with physicists, pertaining specifically to the time I spent in the labs of the physics department at IIT Madras.

As our old friend Sai would put it, lab is the place where most Indian men learn the art of cooking. Even Meenakshi Ammal’s Samaithu Paar (1) would not teach one more than what one learns cooking at the physics lab. It is only when one gets deep into the art of manipulating and fixing data that one really begins to appreciate nature in her full grandeur. And added to it there is always more thrill in playing with numbers and data than merely noting down values from the Voltmeter and Ammeter.

When the enthusiastic experimenter is alphabetically placed next to two of the more beautiful girls in the class and thereby gets to spend a lot of the time with them, it can come as no surprise that he would spend more time in trying to understand them than the time he would spend in understanding the physics behind the experiment. Needless to say he was the Kadalaimamani(2) of the class. (Critics may argue that the title does not make sense, as the experimenter was the one who was busy talking. The girls themselves were busy doing the actual experiment. Monologues do not qualify as kadalai, they would say. But then critics are asses.) The negative side of this zeal on the chronicler's part in "putting kadalai" as the terminology goes, was the Stomach Plasma (3) that this act generated in the fellow males of the class. But then that was just yet another cross one had to bear in public life. But even the most severe critic of the chronicler would not deny that the man was always a perfect gentleman what with zealously following the 3 golden rules of the flirting Gentleman viz, Kadalai, Ganniyam, Kattupadu (4).

No lab is complete without the lab instructor and the lab attender. The lab in charge during the chronicler’s stay at IIT was a man who has to be seen to be believed. It would be more difficult to find a man who is so confident of his own knowledge, so much so that he starts every conversation with an I KNOW SIR, I KNOW. Probably he was the inspiration for the famous Raghuvaran sequence in Puriyatha Puthir(5). So much was his confidence that the historian once even saw him waving aside a speeding lorry with a casual wave of the hand as he was crossing the Sardar Patel Road. Anyway it was just a matter of seconds for Sana and Sai to name him DINOUSAUR to rhyme with his punch dialogue. The thing with having the man around in the lab was that the experiments never got done, because this man’s antics kept one laughing all the while. Add to that the wisecracks and witty comments from the PJ God Sana and Mokkai God(5) Sai and you know why the chronicler had to slog all night the day before the exams to complete the record note book on time.

Physics labs are generally less noisy, less smelly and less of a visual treat. There is nothing burning, no smell of rotten eggs and no squeals and screams that as a rule permeate the chemistry lab when frivolous experimenters accidentally consume oxalic acid through the pipette or pour CONC HCL on the neighbour’s hand bag. Nor is it the place where biologists murder poor rats and guinea pigs in the name of science and progress. Instead it is the place where the truly noble work gets done; work which adds meaning to human life and makes world a better place to live in. Like atom bombs and search for extraterrestrial life. Ofcourse all labs don’t get to make bombs. Not enough funds you see. Some of us just have to be satisfied in measuring the refractive index of water or the viscosity of oil.


References:(For the benefit of my gazillion non tamil speaking readers)

(1) Samaithu Paar: This is a classic cook book which is supposed to come to the rescue of many a newly wed bride. A translated version called "Cook and See" is also supposed to be available. The logical question arising is why should one see or what should one see after cooking. I guess the reference is to the seeing and driving part while going to a hotel after the cooking and the throwing away is done.

(2)Kadalaimamani: A take on Kalaimamani awards. Kadalai or putting kadalai is the process of flirting.

(3) Stomach Plasma: Shakespeare called it green eyed monster. Being physics students we call it Stomach Plasma. This is what someone succintly put as "all the fun you think they had".

(4) Kadalai Ganniyam Kaatupadu: Translated this means Dalliance (or as a verb Dally with) Dignity and Discipline. A take on the famous Dravidian motto, Kadamai Ganniyam Kattupadu.(Duty Dignity and Discipline).

(5)Puriyatha Puthir: A thriller released in the early 90's. There is a famous sequence when the Villian (Raghuvaran) suspicious of his wife, vents his irritation and sarcasm just by mouthing "I KNOW" in various ways. A very different thriller, this movie did rather badly and the director(K.S Ravikumar) probably went on to make movies like Nattamai, Periya Kudumbam, Honest Raj etc as an act of vengeance.