A criticial enquiry into the elementary problem of fluid ejection dynamics.

At the end of every third hour or so, Sai and I used to walk upto what he called the "Pissa Corner", to empty our bladders, desperately trying to not breathe while there. (Mate..why do you think just because it was IIT, toilets had to have water....hmmm??). That one could shit also at the "Pissa Corner" (if one could stand the stench for a longer time) is one technicality that we chose to ignore. "Pissa Corner" it remained and shall remain forever, amen.

BNB's reference to an urgent mission set me on a historic endeavour to find why we folks don't refer to the stuff by its name. After all calling "moocha", "moocha" shouldn't be a crime. Now the first question that I raise in this enquiry is, "Who was that siru viral krishna rao who first used his kutty viral to indicate that he was on his way to the gentlemen's room." Let me preempt the several hundred "peters" waiting to point out the lack of that particular room in ancient India. Relax my dear "peters of india", we will call it the gentlemen's 'puthar'.

The fluid in concern has the "Thou shall not be named" character associated with it. So one finds "ungaLala aathirathaiyum adakka mudiyathu,......................." like lines in movies, that leave the unnamed one, to be imagined by the viewer. Why is it that we feel the need not to say that we are on the way to, if i am allowed nounifying a verb, pass the piss. What do we find objectionable in referring to an action, which if we fail to do even once for a whole day, can kill us. So much for the risks of not passing it outside, Morarji Desai actually used to pass it inside, and hence lived to a ripe age of 100. But thankfully one does not always have to consume the yellow fluid to be safe. Actually even letting it out would serve just the purpose. If you don't trust me, you could have asked Yuri Gagarin, were he alive. If you think he came back alive from space because the Soviet engineers had made an engineering marvel in Vostok 1, I can only click my tongue and wonder at your ignorance. Care to know what brought him back safely? Well, he had actually emptied his bladder on the back tyre of the jeep which carried him to the launch pad, before taking off. That was why Yuri was able to return safely back to earth. If you find that ridiculous, tell it to the numerous cosmonauts who follow this life saving practise before embarking on their missions . I even heard that ISRO is planning to include this in its checklist for“Steps to go to moon”. Now you know what the first Indian on moon did, minutes before take off.

From faith to philosophy. Have you ever forcefully held in the stuff, your brains ordering your bladders to not release the fluid because you were caught on the wrong bus which just did not stop at any bye-pass tea kadai. How did it feel when you finally released the load at the end of the ordeal. A friend of mine, has a wonderful word for this particular feeling. Paramanandam, he calls it. He hath not spoken a truer word since. One may grin and bear Vijay movies, one may sit through a T.R master class with minimum discomfort, but sitting for a few hours with one's bladders desperately trying to eject the fluid while the brain is busy sending SOS's to the bladder muscles to hold it in, would be enough to bring a tremor to even Napolean's face.

Actually it is these little things that brings life to a stand still, perplexing one like nothing else. And it is always these little things which puts life into perspective and forcing on us some much needed humility. That is why most perusu's say, "konjam addaki vaasi kanna".

The social attitude towards the whole issue is best captured in this memorable line from a Tamil movie, translated by adiyen. "There are many temples in our cities, but have you ever seen a man running up to you urgently in need of a temple, desperately searching for a place to practise his faith ". Sticking with the practise of not referring to the thing, I will omit the other half of the dialogue, leaving it to the reader's imagination. It is the manisfestation of this attitude towards passing the piss, that one sees on the well wetted outer walls of many an use and pay public toilet.

Mahabharata relates the story of one Brahman who goes about this task standing. The poor man suffers for this folly in his next birth(or some such thing). Whether one suffers in the next birth or not, one might suffer in this birth. The standing posture I guess probably does not produce enough pressure or some such thing. At any rate, the fact that men suffer from more cases of stone in the urinary tract can be attributed to the fact that they stand and deliver. Now having passed on this crucial piece of information/misinformation as the case may be, my article escapes the fate of not being even 1 piss'a worth.

PS: I am planning to get this detailed review, published in the Journal of Pissical Sciences. Wish me good luck.