YOU CAN SIN

I am extremely jealous of Shiv Khera. It takes a special talent to make millions by advising people not to take drugs, not watch the idiot box for long periods, work hard, study well etc. He just missed adding that we should wash our teeth when we get up in the mornings and eat when hungry. That's ok Shiv, you can add it in the next edition. Kheras'que maxims motivated me to come out with my own book "You Can Sin". This is a semi-biographical motivational book to help you Sin in the Indian context. This book is aimed at the social and economic upper sections. Not that lower sections don't need to know how to sin. Just that they won't buy the book anyway, so why waste time writing for them. I can instead waste time writing for the bourgeois and the bourgeois can waste time reading it. Mutualism, they call such behaviour. So here are some excerpts from this book.

"The easiest way to Sin in India is to claim that you are irreligious. Not secular mind you, for then others would know that you are a hypocrite, though they will understand, because they are hypocrites too. But if you care to admit that you don't bother about the Maker and his creed, then you have most definitely opened your account."

".......idea is to make noises only about caste inequality and not class inequality. If you think that there is something fundamentally unfair in both Salman Khan and tea kadai Ponnusamy being granted a bail for the amount of 50000 rupees for driving over a bunch of workers sleeping on the platform, then you can notch a mark in your Sin sheet. You can add a few more over here by objecting to the fact that law is so egalitarian that it gives freedom to Sarala to hire a good lawyer for appearing on her behalf in the Sarala vs The State case for soliciting customers near Pattinapakkam Bus stand. She only has to find some way to pay the lawyer's fees. Justice will take its own course after that."

"One area where I personally have constantly Sinned is education. By refusing to be an engineer, I assured myself a few hundred points in my Sin sheet. Had I chosen arts ahead of science then I could have assured myself another 100 points. I was once caught by my relatives while (hold your breath) writing poetry. That boosted my score by atleast fity points. Further by choosing to not make any efforts to go to US to further my knowledge of Physics, I ensured an absolute score fest. "

"..........telling your friendly neighbourhood non-sinner that progress in India means we try to replace senseless tradition with even more incorrigible fashion. She will give you a disdainful you-conservatives-are-like-this-only look and you would know that you have notched a few valuable points on the sheet."

"It might surprise you, but a very large section of educated youth and professionals believe that talking Tamil in Chennai, Kannada in Banagalore, and Telugu in Hyderabad is a Sin. So if your runs are not coming from anywhere, just say "nanri" when you get down after getting a lift on the IT highway in Chennai. The fellow would probably ask for pardon from the Great Lord for giving a lift to a langauge Fascist before going to sleep.............. "

"As a citizen you may be concerned with the growing student unrest on some very important issues like whether they should be allowed to wear collared T-shirts to college. If you ask them the logic behind fighting big time for their rights on such serious issues while obediently following the dress code in the software companies they join soon after college.....er.....well what should I say..... for this you get the pleasure of being simulatenously denounced a chauvinist, fascist and a communist by students and media alike."

"If you claim that advertisements often are just glorified cheating, you will be baptised a Sinner by Free Marketeers. They will then proceed to give you a lecture on the importance of advertisements, the freedom to choose, the right to know, the duty to fart and other assorted rhetoric. If you disagree with Free market rhetoric and point out how the most industrialised nations have always depended upon state subsidies to become what they are, you will be deemed an irredeemably indoctrinated Sinner. Congratulations on reaching the Centurion Sinners Club in one stroke."

"......we are dealing with the Indian context, there is one area of public thought which even the most incompetent sinner can use to build up his box of Sins. Comment on the rationality behind students not finding the concept of management seats (reservation for the rich) in Engineering and Medical colleges unfair and detrimental to the nation, even while they are engaged in crying that caste based reservation is bad for the country."



I have not committed all the Sins pointed out here. But I do have a feeling of camaraderie for people who commit such Sins. Long ago a Patti called me a Pashandi for not following the supposed rules and practices of the caste I was born into. I must thank the Patti for being honest and speaking out her mind, for there have been others who have just thought the same, but have not said it aloud. Thanks to all these people I have managed to accumulate an unusally large number of Sins. Now it is just a matter of time before the guys down in the Sin Land give me a permanent resort to stay when I am there.