Thus Spake An Inert Rebel

Latest from PakkiLeaks

2010-12-08T13:22:00.002+05:30

Do you think India should be included in the UN Security Council?
Answer (Yes or No)

The much maligned website PakkiLeaks today published
top-secret government extracts. A unknown person
leaked extracts that claim that senior
government officials are considering adding the above
question to the Indian visa application form for foreign
nationals. A certain unnamed top official apparently claimed
that if the applicant answers No, then visa would not be
granted to that person. Those whose visa request
could not be denied for diplomatic reasons, inspite of their
negative answer to the question, will be interviewed on TV
(and declared anti-Indian and risk to the Nation's security)
by top media person "Kalnap Kandsami".

2010-09-09T13:31:00.003+05:30

My condolences to Murali's family and fans. Murali was a good actor especially when the director worked on him, e.g. in Desiya Geetham, Atharmam,Puthu Vasantham. Like Ajith, Murali's voice was his biggest drawback, especially when he put on the mantle of the action hero, e.g. Iraniyan.But unlike Ajith and a host of "Tamil" actors, this guy could speak Thamizh correctly.

Murali (along with Rajini and Vijyaknath) proved that a black/dark skinned actor can be as successful as any light skinned one. One of the admirable things about Tamizh movie fans, in addition to the fact that they are not insular(Murali was by birth a Kannadiga), is that they traditionally have not bothered with how an actor looks to accept him as an hero (Wish I could say the same about their attitude towards actresses too). This often becomes a problem when these movies compete with the ones from Mumbai, as Sivaji and his fans discovered to their chagrin post Muthal Mariyathai. The committee consisting of Jaya Badhuri and others decided not to honour the National Award by giving it to the Icon on the grounds that the man, playing the middle aged village head, was too fat.(Refer Parantha Pona Pakkangal, Komal Swaminathan's autobiography. Komal himself was on the committee that year.) This is enough reason I suppose to justify the anti-Hindi/Central feelings in Thamizhs.

Post Murali, only Rajini, Vijaykanth, Parthiban and Vishal are the remaining dark heroes in Thamizh movie industry. In a society which subtly and bluntly derides and ridicules the black skin (for reasons ranging from caste,race, to plain colonial ass-licking), these men have worked against odds to become popular and successful. But their numbers are dwindling alarmingly. With increased mixing of the distinct cultures of India, we see a shift towards non-regional features storming into regional identities and atttitudes. This is just a part of a wider pheneomena of the constant attack of the "Super-cultures" on the "Sub-cultures". Non-local and global markets further add to the disappearance of regional features even in a relatively democratic medium like cinema. When the intended audience is the NRI and her cohorts in US and Europe, all relevance to, and connection with, the local populations is lost.

Reel Metal Fanalca

2010-07-09T19:14:00.003+05:30

unnai enna paNNa sonnen,
kuppathotti vechu kuppaiya edukka sonnuneenga
kuppa thotti vangineeya?
unn vaanginen....
jananga kuppaya athula pottangaLa?
unn..pottanga..
kuppa inga irukku, kuppa thotti enga?
athuthanga ithu.....

The Indian Groucho Marx

2010-04-19T09:47:00.005+05:30

Dagalti's comment on Goundamani

"Goundamani's life message seems to be irreverence to all and sundry, people, institutions, history, what not."

Perfectly put. Can't catch the essence of the man better than that. Doing the Kamal Hassan thing of bringing in Hollywood even when talking about Chockalinga Bagavathar, I will go ahead and anoint the one and only Gounder, "The Indian Groucho Marx".

Objective history ?

2010-04-12T09:28:00.002+05:30

"I've said two things about it. One, that it's not possible. Two, it's not desirable. It's not possible because all history is a selection out of an infinite number of facts. As soon as you begin to select, you select according to what you think is important. Therefore it is already not objective. It's already biased in the direction of whatever you, as the selector of this information, think people should know. So it's really not possible. Of course, some people claim to be objective. The worst thing is to claim to be objective. Of course you can't be. Historians should say what their values are, what they care about, what their background is, and let you know what is important to them so that young people and everybody who reads history are warned in advance that they should never count on any one source, but should go to many sources. So it's not possible to be objective, and it's not desirable if it were possible."

--Howard Zinn

Taking the RTE seriously

2009-08-13T12:30:00.004+05:30

Critics may tell what they want, but India is taking the Right To Education very seriously. So seriously that I fear that we are taking it farther than "where no man has ever gone before". In fact we should be renaming it the "Duty to Education" or rather "Duty to go to school". What else can we call the plea of our politicians to not close schools, even if it meant exposing the ultra vulnerable GenY,GenZ,Gen omega, Gen lambda etc to the dreaded "swine flu". I mean one should appreciate people for their concern that many Indian school children may spend their time going to parties and socialising right left and centre if they don't go to school. I mean what other job does the GenY,GenZ,Gen omega, Gen lambda in an ultra poor country have. I fully understand the logic.

But why should we crib about exposing a particularly age group to the swine. Our bank staff have the onerous job of striking as frequently as MTC bus breakdowns and further spend their time watching the classic "india tolaikatchyil muthan muraiaga" movies on krishna jaynthi, aadi ammavasai, avani avittam and the other extremely important religious festival days. And the government staff obviously have more important jobs than working at their desks, to which no one in the right minds will object. If all this has to happen who will lead the country to 2020. What ever will happen to Dr Abdul Kalam's dream.

So all those who demand that schools be closed, just acknowledge that there is superior logic at work and shut up. Period.

What shall I be ?

2009-05-26T14:38:00.003+05:30

I used to have this CBT(maybe NBT) book titled "What shall I be". It was one of my favourites in the bygone days when I had more hair and less opinions. A young kid ponders over the various kinds of professions he can take up, typically the jobs of an engineer, doctor, astronaut and a few other stuff. And typically the father advises him to study hard for the moment and do the dreaming later. And typically I hated the father. The jobs I never intended to pursue were that of the doctor and engineer. The Doctor set I used to have as a child singularly failed to fascinate me. And I suspect most kids just liked the syringe injecting part in the doctors profession (provided it is not injected into them). A Gandhian disdain for violence and the absence of a good syringe in my doctor set meant that I never fancied myself as a doctor. Engineer...ah... I never managed to even build a chair using my mechanical set. So engineering was out of question. I probably wanted to be an astronaut to escape the boredom of school. But after school I realised that it was hard work. And proceeding in this manner I exhausted all the opprtunties listed in the book. Period.

As I grew up I began having problems with the rhetorical question. Why should what shall I be, be a question regards profession? I felt it was typical of a middle class Indian's obsession with Work. Thomas Friedmann may be in awe about how Indians don't mind working for 100 hours a week...I am not. Born in South, into what considers itself an upwardly mobile community, I have generally been an odd man out. I mean I was pretty hard working at an age when boys consider it girlish to study well. My zeal for knowledge was high and I did fairly well in sports too. But the paradise was lost during class 11 and class 12. My friends got serious about studies and post school life, while I became more of a rebel. And by choosing to do physics and ignoring engineering altogether, I became offically an outcaste. After three to four years of being an outcaste, I scraped through into IIT. And lo and behold my social status improved atleast ten-fold. But then I was back to doing what i did best, rebelling and theorising even as my academics went downhill. But my English and Analytical mediocrity got me into one of India's leading software companies. I took the job because my physics was somewhere down the hill out of sight. But then a year of being the "cream of the cream" as the HR used to call us (nasty sense of humour you know), took its toll on me and I quit to rejoin physics. But even that did not happen without me taking a detour into wildlife conservation, a course I should have pursued, but dropped out at the last moment (intha maari nerangalthaan arivu irukkana santhegam varathu..). Till 25, I was firm believer in Sarah Harding's comment in Crichton's Lost World, "You never know what you want to be till you are 25". But then 25 came and went and even after an year I was still wondering what i would like to do all my life. Money failed to motivate me. I had zero ambition. I live in the present and do not intend accummulate for my grandson. You may choose to call it zest for socialism or plain laziness.

That being the short history of my adventures in choosing a job, I am still stuck with the question, what shall I be. Of course I fancy writing. The fly in the ointment is that the literary world does not reciprocate my feeling. So as the literary cognoscenti continue to ignore me, I am forced to look for jobs elsewhere. Maybe you can help me get one. Here is the criteria. 8 hours of work per day. Five days a week only. No boss required. And that is a necessary condition. Performance should not be rated. Prefer to live on campus. Access to libraries and books is a necessary condition. Work skills involve ability to sleep well and argue and moralise on topics on which I am not particularly moral about. Salary is negotiable as long as the food is free. TV and other recreational sources not required. An outlet for self expression is a must. Now maybe the smart folks who glean some inspiration from this blog can help me find a job with that profile. While at it, maybe you people can find out whether there are any "Head of State" vacancies.

So it is that trivial an issue ?

2009-05-18T19:21:00.004+05:30

"Tamils complain of marginalisation at the hands of successive governments led by the Sinhalese majority, which came to power at independence in 1948 and took the favoured position the Tamils had enjoyed under the British colonial government"
---C. Bryson Hull and Ranga Sirilal, Yahoo India News

To the best of my knowledge this takes the cake in terms of "awful" journalism in recent times.

PS :(Well wait I saw something on the TOI about the barter system..I'll dig that up and come back..)

NAGESH.....

2009-02-01T11:18:00.002+05:30

We owe a lot to this man...for sprinkling in many a mundane and weary life a few moments of worryless mirth....Mikka nanri thalaiva...

(The choice of the picture was deliberate.....this man could make "god" laugh..)

"Guidelines for Tamil movie makers" ,circa 2020

2009-01-01T16:52:00.003+05:30

The following document is a copy of a proposed state legislation from the year 2020, titled
"Guideline for Tamil moviemakers of 2020 and beyond.....".
I just happen to return from the future and brought this along with me. I hereby officially join Abdul Kalam in eagerly waiting for 2020.

1. Only real life Hindus shall play Hindus on screens. Similarly only Muslims shall play Muslims and Christians shall play Christians. Brahmins have to be played only by Brahmins and Thevars only by Thevars. And same holds for other castes too.
2. Only Tamils shall play Tamil. Non-tamils should play non-tamil's roles only.
3. No negative character shall be named after Gods or Godesses or mythological characters. So names like Ram, Sita, Ramesh, Mahesh, Murugan, Kumarsamy, Kandasamy, Padayappa, Rajeshwari, Lakshmi, Umadevi and so on are banned. Further if any character is shown having even one bad characteristic, then he/she should not be named after Gods and Godesses. There are a plethora of other names like A, Pi, Sqrroot, theta, gamma, alpha, onnu, rendu, athu, ithu, ivan avan, aval, porul,ange, inge, etc that can be used. Same rule holds for Muslim and Christian names too.
4.Also no one including alcoholics should be shown drinking. Same for smoking. Sex can only be implied, as has always been the case.
5.No woman shall be shown in bad light. This requires that women will always be good characters and will never play a negative role. Further all women shall wear traditional decent dresses only. No exposure of skin (except face and hands upto elbows) shall be allowed. Dream sequences as norm are excepted.
6.Family values will always be upheld in movies. So family members shall not be shown in any sort of bad light.
7.NRI's should not be shown in bad light. Especially the rich ones. This is bad for the stock marke and the country's economy.
8.Because of strategic relationships with USA and Isreal, no American or Israeli citizen shall be shown in bad light. And similarly no Pakistani shall be shown in good light.
9.Corporates shall not be shown in any kind of unfavourable vein. Also rich industrialists shall not be portrayed in any unflattering form. Such acts are bad for the economy.
10.Since Hindus believe that food and paper are very sacred, scenes displaying tearing them, stamping on them, throwing them etc won't be allowed.
11. Old people will always be shown respectfully in movies. So even if an old man is shot with a Bofors tank at almost point blank range, the man will fall at the same spot. Also no old person (55 years for women and enuch and 60 for men) shall be shown in bad light.
12. Similarly Politicians, government workers, police and army and ex-army personnel, lawyers, doctors,farmers, bankers, software engineers, BPO employees, scientists and filmmakers shall not be shown in bad vein.
13. State and society (past, present or future) as entities shall not be criticised in any manner.
14. It is expected that movies will generally help towards making a better, brighter and happier community and promote peace and harmony. So it is advised that only such stories be filmed only in such manner lest any one feels hurt, embarassed or unhappy.
15. As a special gesture we would like to honour Mr Vikraman, whose films have followed most of the above rules, even without our asking him to do so. If only all the movie makers had emulated Vikraman, such guidelines would become unnecessary.

Aaaha kilambitaanya kilambittanya

2009-01-01T15:09:00.002+05:30

Kodana kodi rasigaigalin vendukolukku inanga.......
"meendum mutRupuLLi...."
Viraivil ungal pakkathu blog'il...

More fools we

2008-08-13T14:22:00.006+05:30

There are three kinds of fools in the world. People who believe China is Communist. And people who believe China is Communist.And then there is a minority of one who think that a 4 week visit to Beijing to attend a summer school makes them competent enough to comment on the economic and social policies of China.
Kali muthiduthu......

A general quiz by any other name......

2008-05-06T14:33:00.002+05:30

will still be a general quiz. It can never be a Books Quiz. What we had last weekend at Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan were two Open General quizzes, one which went curiously went with the name of Books Quiz. Samanth Subrmanian's quiz was a pseudo books quiz. Mind you I am not criticising the standard of the questions, but the questions themselves. The prelims was literarly non-literary. Samanth had very smartly explained at the beginning that any written word would be treated as literature, which is fine. But somehow the choice of questions made me feel that the questions normally asked had just been repackaged with a different name. And needless to say we had the usual finalists on stage, making this another session of good quizzing, but not so engaging for the non-finalists. BTW for the record I am pissed off with seeing the same goshti's at all the quiz finals. I have come up with some rules to plainly make it more even a contest and more entertaining. Will write about it at some point.

A real life hero

2008-02-11T10:20:00.000+05:30

Day and Night Tests? What the $#%&

2007-12-19T13:35:00.000+05:30

"I wish people would leave Test cricket alone and keep their tinkering to the limited-overs game. What they need to do, if they think they aren't getting enough crowds, is to play less of the damn thing so that when a Test series comes around, people will want to see it instead of saying, 'Just another Test'."...Michael Holding as quoted by Sambit Bal, Courtesy Cricinfo.

Attaboy Mikey. Guess it takes a fast bowler to "bang" in some sense when administrators decide to tamper with the fairer version of the game.

Chomsky and Co clarify

2007-12-13T13:39:00.000+05:30

I received this from the Initative India google group, to which I subscribe.

We are taken aback by a widespread reaction to a statement we made with the best of intentions, imploring a restoration of unity among the left forces in India –a reaction that seems to assume that such an appeal to overcome divisions among the left could only amount to supporting a very specific section of the CPM in West Bengal. Our statement did not lend support to the CPM's actions in Nandigram or its recent economic policies in West Bengal, nor was that our intention. On the contrary, we asserted, in solidarity with its Left critics both inside and outside the party, that we found them tragically wrong. Our hope was that Left critics would view their task as one of putting pressure on the CPM in West Bengal to correct and improve its policies and its habits of governance, rather than dismiss it wholesale as an unredeemable party. We felt that we could hope for such a thing, of such a return to the laudable traditions of a party that once brought extensive land reforms to the state of West Bengal and that had kept communal tensions in abeyance for decades in that state. This, rather than any exculpation of its various recent policies and actions, is what we intended by our hopes for 'unity' among the left forces.

We realize now that it is perhaps not possible to expect the Left critics of the CPM to overcome the deep disappointment, indeed hostility, they have come to feel towards it, unless the CPM itself takes some initiative against that sense of disappointment. We hope that the CPM in West Bengal will show the largeness of mind to take such an initiative by restoring the morale as well as the welfare of the dispossessed people of Nandigram through the humane governance of their region, so that the left forces can then unite and focus on the more fundamental issues that confront the Left as a whole, in particular focus on the task of providing with just and imaginative measures an alternative to neo-liberal capitalism that has caused so much suffering to the poor and working people in India.

Signed

Michael Albert, Tariq Ali, Akeel Bilgrami, Victoria Brittain, Noam Chomsky, Charles Derber, Stephen Shalom

Why read Financial Times?

2007-12-07T09:11:00.000+05:30

Naomi Klein explains why she reads Financial Times . Chomsky had something similar to say about Wall Street Journal.

Despondence galore...

2007-11-24T13:42:00.000+05:30

Ok I will break my silence. I am shocked at CPI(M)'s take and handling of the events happening in Nandigram. I am a bit of a communist but am not a Communist. I believe that concentration of power, either with state or corporate entities would almost always lead to sickening results and loss of freedom. I also believe that left thought should work towards a heirarchy less structure with a more equitable distribution of resources. That one of the more sensible groups in the Indian political spectrum is involved in this sickening display of state power to subdue and subjugate the very people, whom it is supposed to represent(more so than in the nonleft states) makes me despondent. That the masses will lose faith in Left thought and what it represents would probably be one of the most disheartening outcome of the whole event. What made me feel worse was the lukewarm response of that most respected and fearless intellectual Noam Chomsky. Even acknowledging the various forces out to damage the Left (of which there are more than plenty) and the global importance of the need to preserve the Left experiment here and elsewhere, the situation still demanded a stronger admonishment of the State machinery from the noted anarchist. Chomsky Sir, I am disappointed, to say the least.

Having said this, the protests of the people and the intelligensia of Bengal is heartening and surely a healthy sign, for where there is no honest dissent, there can be no Left. A case in point, the absolute lack of spine and dissent culture in the land of one of the earliest dissenter, Nakkeeran,be it the ecologically disastrous and economically unviable Sethusamudram (the only protest is on religious grounds supported by a party which believes that displacing people without adequate and proper compensation, submerging forests and destroying natural heritage is the only way towards progress, even while the religion they claim to protect actually condemns such practices very severely.So much for being religious) or the Khusboo issue or the Dinakaran murders.

Yuvraj, Tirupathi and Chaos theory

2007-09-25T10:08:00.000+05:30

Yet another example of chaos theory at work...India wins 20-20 nonsense(20-20 can be equated to Yuvan's music. You listen to the Dad and on that confidence you listen to the son and you soon wonder what made you assume that something might have rubbed on to the son from the Dad) and you have BCCI and government pouring money on our cricketers. In the bygone ages of amateurs and quasi professionals, when cricket was nowhere near as lucrative as it is these days, when cricketers were not omnipresent, it made sense to gift land, money or a job to these achievers, thereby adding some security to their life. But how sensible is it to pour lakhs on the overpaid millionaire cricketers of the current age who in addition to having lucrative contracts with BCCI also earn a fortune through advertisements. This even when the average Ranji trophy and league cricketers gets paid pittance. But then we make traditions of these things don't we. We would only add money into the super rich coffers of Tirupathi as offerings while allowing the classic temples in and around Tanjavaur, Chidambaram and Kumbakonam to lie in ruins. If even in the realm of gods some are MORE equal than others, what can the poor Ranj Trophy cricketer expect.

Coming to the reference of Chaos theory at work, these days modellers use Chaos theory to model and explain why some movies become super hits, why some books become ultra popular and so on. And what is generally found is, that there is a positive feedback at work. So if there is some initial advantage, that advantage tends to increase subsequently and in the absence of external intervention there is a runaway. People try to apply this to ecological and economic networks. For eg I remember one talk, where the speaker used agent based interaction models to explain why laissez faire capitalism actually would soon lead to money in the hands of few while all the rest would become pennyless. It might be a very simplified model, but it gives one insight into how complex unbridled systems evolve naturally. My guess (or insight) is that this phenomenon can be applied to why some temples are more popular and why some cricketers get porsches even while others struggle to make ends meet. Even as I explained all this to my mother, she gave me a look of surprise and said our ancestors made this observation ages back and hence the oft repeated "panam panathoda thaaan serum"(money will only marry money). I tell you, these old people are out to get me.

Imsai of anachronisms

2007-09-17T08:51:00.000+05:30

Ok this is not a review of Imsai Arasan nor is this about Vadivelu's drunken antics. And neither is it about kalaignar TV (though I am gald to see Yuhi Sethu back in action).

Coming to the point, there are some very interesting things about Chimbudevan's Imsai, that as far as I can recall not many people seemed to have noticed. Now that is just another way of bragging that I noticed something in the movie. But hey what is a blog for if I am not allowed some self indulgence.

There are some very interesting anachronisms in the movie. The funniest being the final speech by the Ahimsai Arasan (ie the reformed Imsai Arasan), wherein he says "Maaveeran Alexanderpol, Samrat Ashokarpol.....Braveheart Mel Gibsonpol...." And then there is the Arasan's face morphed onto Brucelee's body. The best anachronism is not actually funny. but is a piece of smart work arising from conventional ignorance. It is basically Nasser's reaction to the Thambi Vadivelu's comment "maatram ondruthaaan marathuiruppathu" (Change is the only thing that does not change). Now this is a quote which is usually incorrectly attributed to Karl Marx, while it predates him by atleast a thousand years or more. But assuming that Marx made such a comment or was the first to use that phrase, Nasser's reaction to it is interesting. He gives a very surprised look and says, "...Ange thottu Inge thottu, athaiyum padithu vittaya.." ("Have you read that too..?"). The reference is to Marx and his works. But the story happens in the 1790's and not the in the 19th century. So Nasser does not refer to Marx by name.

For God's Sake........

2007-09-07T12:35:00.001+05:30

Forget about listening to the way "Madrasis" pronounce it...Can't people even read properly from the Menu. For the millionth time....
It is NOT Dosa......It is Dosai....
It is NOT Vada......It is Vadai....
Just as it not Poora, but Poori....

I rest my case M'lud.

The most unjust legal system

2007-08-31T09:12:00.000+05:30

I never realised how cruel the Indian legal system was. Two events then happened that changed my mind forever. I owe a lot to the TV channels for opening my eyes. Here were two men sentenced to jail. One for being in possession of illegal weapons like AK56(athu oru bayangaramana machine gun). And the other for killing a state protected endangered Chinkara and Black Buck. The former, on whom a 1.5 billion rupees industry depends upon, had to pay a hefty fine of Rs 25000. Poor Sanjay, can't imagine how he managed to save that large an amount from the paltry sum he gets for being the prime man in a 1.5 billion rupees industry. The media quite rightly kept harping on the billion rupees figure. After all in a capitalist democracy a person's worth depends on his/her wealth.

And Salman, poor fella was treacherously misled into thinking that shooting "voiceless" Black bucks was good sport. After all unlike the guys on the platform whom he drove over earlier, the Chinkaras and Black bucks wouldn't drag him to court. The bloody Chinkaras and Black bucks played foul. How was he to know that there were thinks in the world called endangered species, people like Belinda Wright, organisations like WPSI and laws against poaching. Poor Salman.

The perusu's of our land can go on and on about freedom fighters and kalapani and murky cells in Andaman. But can all those people's suffering compare with the sufferings (mental and physical) of these two men. How many times did Sanjay have to appear in court. Has anyone in India suffered as much as this man. Tell me what should poor Salman do...he is fined for driving over sleeping people, he is not allowed to kill black bucks and chinkaras, he is not allowed to call up on women and pain them. God forbid, he may be soon asked to start wearing shirts. Are we living in a fascist country? And think of the families. These two had sisters to look after. And worse still they had parents too. And as Sanjay pointed out, they are the lone "bread winners" of the family. Surely no one else in the country has so many issues to deal with.

It is yet again to the media's credit that it has been holding the spotlight on the inhuman sufferings of these entertainers, provoking some wonderful response from the chagrined public. One need just look at how the people of the nation have reacted to the state atrocities. I myself have been thinking of sending messages like these to people concerned. "Release Sanjay immediately. Is it Sanjay's fault that he possessed illegal weapons. If a poor man can flaunt a Bazooka on Screen, why can't he have a AK56 in his house. Throw the stupid communists out of the country?" "If Salmaan can't kill Chinkara Maan for fun...What the ***k maan?" What we need today are more such messages and letters, condemning such inhuman, soul wrecking injustice. We after all live in a civilised society.

1..2..3..CHO

2007-08-24T14:30:00.000+05:30

“Communists are opportunists” declares Cho, in his Vikatan interview, summarising his view on how the left have reacted to the nuclear deal. He cites the Left’s stand (or absence of it) on Chinese aggression in the North East as the justification for his comment. But surprisingly he spares the BJP of the adjective. In fact to a general question on opposition to the deal, he does not even mention the principal opposition party which is opposing the deal just like the Left. Actually coming from Cho, that is not surprising. For Cho, and others who think like him, BJP’s opposition to the nuclear deal is not opportunistic. That the BJP, had it been the ruling party, would have most likely gone ahead with the deal does not enter into the minds of these Left bashers. For these enlightened people, if Left opposes something on an ideological basis(hypocritical or not), it is opportunism. If the Right does the same, it is because the poor things are forced to do it because of political compulsion. What can the hypocrisy be in that!!!!!

Actually this sort of attitude tells a lot more about the sort of people we are. Take a stand on the basis of a belief or ideology and you will be hated. Take a stand when it suits you and dump it when it doesn’t and you can escape with just a tap on the wrist. You might even be voted to power next time. Ideologies are vulgar and hypocrisy is noble. How much more Victorian can we be?

Courtesy Blog

2007-08-09T17:29:00.000+05:30

What's a poosra in cricket terminology?
That is the doosra which guys like Marlon Samuels and Shahid Afridi bowl or rather pelt. Hence poosra -----Courtesy the "commie" Rum Shop CarribeanCricket.com

Interestingly the Rum Shop forum on Carribean Cricket is just like TFM forum. And by definition forums can be this way only.---Courtesy mutRupuLLi.

Forum'la satham pesaravanoda pechu thaan edupaduthu. anga nesam sethhu poguthu.---Courtesy the late Maaya Thevar

EKSI :( --- Courtesy soonapaana

Magsaysay for Sainath

2007-08-01T11:22:00.000+05:30

I have met "educated" and "knowledgeable" people who think that 95% of Indians can and do broswe internet regularly. There are others who think that Indians embrace inter-caste and inter-religion marriages the way Reaganites embraced terrorism, the state variety ie. And still others believe that Indian is SHINING. It is in the face of such ignorance that P.Sainath's continuing work becomes profoundly important. People like Sainath and Gurumurthy are probably the last information link between the urban "educated" class and the poor rural Indian. Sainath, an absolutely deserving receipient of the Ramon Magsaysay award.

My experiment with physics

2007-07-22T12:03:00.000+05:30

If you are steadfast in your aim in experimenting with the physicists and lab attendents, even while the people around you are losing their heads over experiments with inanimate molecules and face less atoms, then you will be Sridhar my Son. Now that is what Rudyard Kipling might have said IF he had known me. But since he didn’t have the good fortune, I will bear the cross of narrating my own experiments with physicists, pertaining specifically to the time I spent in the labs of the physics department at IIT Madras.

As our old friend Sai would put it, lab is the place where most Indian men learn the art of cooking. Even Meenakshi Ammal’s Samaithu Paar (1) would not teach one more than what one learns cooking at the physics lab. It is only when one gets deep into the art of manipulating and fixing data that one really begins to appreciate nature in her full grandeur. And added to it there is always more thrill in playing with numbers and data than merely noting down values from the Voltmeter and Ammeter.

When the enthusiastic experimenter is alphabetically placed next to two of the more beautiful girls in the class and thereby gets to spend a lot of the time with them, it can come as no surprise that he would spend more time in trying to understand them than the time he would spend in understanding the physics behind the experiment. Needless to say he was the Kadalaimamani(2) of the class. (Critics may argue that the title does not make sense, as the experimenter was the one who was busy talking. The girls themselves were busy doing the actual experiment. Monologues do not qualify as kadalai, they would say. But then critics are asses.) The negative side of this zeal on the chronicler's part in "putting kadalai" as the terminology goes, was the Stomach Plasma (3) that this act generated in the fellow males of the class. But then that was just yet another cross one had to bear in public life. But even the most severe critic of the chronicler would not deny that the man was always a perfect gentleman what with zealously following the 3 golden rules of the flirting Gentleman viz, Kadalai, Ganniyam, Kattupadu (4).

No lab is complete without the lab instructor and the lab attender. The lab in charge during the chronicler’s stay at IIT was a man who has to be seen to be believed. It would be more difficult to find a man who is so confident of his own knowledge, so much so that he starts every conversation with an I KNOW SIR, I KNOW. Probably he was the inspiration for the famous Raghuvaran sequence in Puriyatha Puthir(5). So much was his confidence that the historian once even saw him waving aside a speeding lorry with a casual wave of the hand as he was crossing the Sardar Patel Road. Anyway it was just a matter of seconds for Sana and Sai to name him DINOUSAUR to rhyme with his punch dialogue. The thing with having the man around in the lab was that the experiments never got done, because this man’s antics kept one laughing all the while. Add to that the wisecracks and witty comments from the PJ God Sana and Mokkai God(5) Sai and you know why the chronicler had to slog all night the day before the exams to complete the record note book on time.

Physics labs are generally less noisy, less smelly and less of a visual treat. There is nothing burning, no smell of rotten eggs and no squeals and screams that as a rule permeate the chemistry lab when frivolous experimenters accidentally consume oxalic acid through the pipette or pour CONC HCL on the neighbour’s hand bag. Nor is it the place where biologists murder poor rats and guinea pigs in the name of science and progress. Instead it is the place where the truly noble work gets done; work which adds meaning to human life and makes world a better place to live in. Like atom bombs and search for extraterrestrial life. Ofcourse all labs don’t get to make bombs. Not enough funds you see. Some of us just have to be satisfied in measuring the refractive index of water or the viscosity of oil.

References:(For the benefit of my gazillion non tamil speaking readers)

(1) Samaithu Paar: This is a classic cook book which is supposed to come to the rescue of many a newly wed bride. A translated version called "Cook and See" is also supposed to be available. The logical question arising is why should one see or what should one see after cooking. I guess the reference is to the seeing and driving part while going to a hotel after the cooking and the throwing away is done.

(2)Kadalaimamani: A take on Kalaimamani awards. Kadalai or putting kadalai is the process of flirting.

(3) Stomach Plasma: Shakespeare called it green eyed monster. Being physics students we call it Stomach Plasma. This is what someone succintly put as "all the fun you think they had".

(4) Kadalai Ganniyam Kaatupadu: Translated this means Dalliance (or as a verb Dally with) Dignity and Discipline. A take on the famous Dravidian motto, Kadamai Ganniyam Kattupadu.(Duty Dignity and Discipline).

(5)Puriyatha Puthir: A thriller released in the early 90's. There is a famous sequence when the Villian (Raghuvaran) suspicious of his wife, vents his irritation and sarcasm just by mouthing "I KNOW" in various ways. A very different thriller, this movie did rather badly and the director(K.S Ravikumar) probably went on to make movies like Nattamai, Periya Kudumbam, Honest Raj etc as an act of vengeance.

Kattabomman & Single Vadai

2007-07-11T12:45:00.000+05:30

What happens if after seeing Veerapandiya kaatabomman for the 50th time you go to Ratna Cafe and order one ordinary sized vadai....(and return 10.50 INR poorer)? You get to speak such dialogues......

"Malivana hotel endra ondru than illai ichennai maanagarile....Sarvana Bhavan ondru thaan arjaka costly endru ninaithen. Athu malivana hotel endru nirupithvittathu, emathu arumai hotel...velacherry 100 feet salayil ulla triplicane ratna cafe."

Venneer with Panneer -3

2007-06-15T11:29:00.000+05:30

VKR—that much laid back actor

I chanced upon V.K.Ramaswamy's (VKR) autobiography (I think it was titled “enathu thiraipayanam”) at the Velacherry Government Library. The book had forewords by many leading men of Tamil cinema, like AVM Saravanan, Cho, Rajini, Kamal and others . All of them had something good to say about VKR. What Kamal had written piqued my interest. The result is this post, a recollection of the VKR I have enjoyed on screen.

Kamal had compared VKR to Groucho Marx and Oliver Hardy. I have not seen much of Oliver Hardy, so can't say anything about that comparison except that VKR sharing his girth with Oliver probably shared the same stand and deliver style.(Sve Sekar is another actor who used this style to good use). But comparison with Groucho was both surprising and (coming to think of it) very apt. Groucho though starting in the silent era depended heavily on dialogues. He was a master at ad-libbing, with an ability to be devastatingly insulting and humorous at the same time. From the outside that looks very unVKRish. But then Kamal's comment probably was motivated by VKR's tendency to be surprisingly sarcastic and funny without even faintly making the effort to be so. A case in point is the scene in Unnal Mudiyum Thambi. VKR is a MP passing through a village with his coterie of assistants. Their car stops near the fields. And VKR gets down from the car and tears open a biscuit packet and throws the covering paper on the road. A villager standing nearby objects to this and asks him to throw the paper into the dustbin. VKR's assistant bends to pick the paper, but the villager stops him and asks VKR himself to pick it up as he had dropped the waste on the road. So VKR bends to pick the paper and while doing so comments nonchalantly...... “Unga oorula maadu thaanoda saanaththa thane kondu poi kuppa thottiyila poduma ....???” Yet another example is from Ooty Varai Uravu,one of the many Sivaji Muthuraman starrers. VKR, (Muthurman's father) wants Vijayalakshmi(Muthuraman's lady love, acting as amnesia patient) out of his house. Sivaji and Muthuraman try to cajole Vijayalakshmi to sit and eat something .

Vijaya:. Ninnute sapaddalame? (Can't I stand and eat)
Sivaji: Oh yes... Ninnute sapaddalame (Yes you can stand and eat)
Vijaya:. Nadanthute sapaddalame? (Can't I walk while eating)
Sivaji : Oh yes Nadanthute sapaddalame (Yes you can walk and eat too)
Vijaya: Oditte Sapadalame? (Can't I run and eat)
VKR : Sappataparam Odidalame ? ( You can eat and run away too..)

The last line by VKR comes as a surprise and the sarcasm strikes a bit slowly but when it does one just can't help laughing out loud.

Unlike Nagesh, VKR was not very keen to use the screen space. A typical Nagesh scene would involve him moving around a lot. Like Saqlain Mushtaq, Nagesh was a master in using the space available to him. VKR was more like John Emburey. He would just stand in a place and talk. VKR fans might not like the comparison though. Emburey was after all an English off spinner, a species as pathetic as an Indian fast bowler or a West Indian leg spinner. But that comparison was only regards their mobility and not their quality.

VKR typically would sit on the sofa/chair or at the most stand at the same place throughout the scene. But that was more than enough space for him, because his skill lay in the outstanding sense of timing. He would always be spot on in his timing and his dialogues in tandem with Nagesh would invariably be a riot, what with both trying to out do each other. In Rudra Thandavam(VKR's home production) VKR plays Lord Shiva and Nagesh a poor priest. Their conversation is very humorous, engaging and also gives an insight into VKR's political views. Dravidian politicians of that time clamoured for a separate Tamil land. Nagesh questions Lord Shiva(VKR) on this. VKR proceeds to use the slightly flawed but very humorous example of the Masala Vadai to ridicule the seperatists argument.

My personal favourites are his classic role as Nambi Anne in Fazil's Arangetra Velai( remake of Fazil's Ramoji Rao Speaking) and the cameo as an MP in Vikram. When the missile (Agniputra) is stolen, the chiefs of the armed forces and the intelligent bureau get together for a top secret meeting. VKR enters the room and welcomes the Navy Admiral with ...”Enna Kappal, Sowkiyama” and then gives the classic reply on being informed about the stolen missile (or rocket as VKR is told by the chief of staff)..... ”Rocket'a....athu Sivkasi samcharam”. But then Sujatha (dialogue writer for Vikram) reserves the best till the last. A visibly worried VKR enquires about the missile....”Antha Missile inga vedicha Ambur vara kekkuma...”...This perplexes the Chief of Staff... Then VKR proceeds to explain...”....illai anga ennakku oru karumbu thottam irrukku, athan ketten”.

Great Indian Cinema Quiz

2007-06-05T11:56:00.000+05:30

Too many sappai questions in the Great Indian Cinema Quiz. The questions were based on only Tamil and Hindi films, with probably 3 exceptions. Both Sana and I knew next to nothing about the Hindi filma questions that were asked. But the Tamil movie questions were generally very very answerable. Atleast I got a lot of answers in the finals. A big pity we didn't have a third member with some Hindi fundaes. We might have made it to the final.

There was not a single question asked on Vijaykanth or the Maestro. Now that is a big time sin. Otherwise it was good fun at Tatvaloka on Sunday morning.

PS: Now I shall never understand this concept of corporate religiosity or corporate spirituality. Tatvaloka had huge pictures of Shringeri Acharyas and a sculptor of Adi Shankara. But it is a fully air conditioned hall with smooth flooring, slick chairs and car parking basement. Somehow I fail to see what is Hindu or spiritual about all these things.

kathai keLu, kathai keLu

2007-06-01T13:43:00.000+05:30

Story telling is a passion with me. It is not that I am an expert narrator. I certainly do not enthrall my audience. People have criticised that I am a downright bad speaker, what with a craving to push in as many words as possible within the unforgiving minute and a tendency to mix my own insights with the actual story. (Intha insight, outsight ellam where disappearing when it comes to my research is something which my guide would like to know). But inspite of my critics and the hostile attitude of listeners I literally live to tell a tale.

I have found children to be the most stringent examiners of my narrative abilities. They love listening to stories and they keep me on my toes by reacting spontaneously. If they don't like a story or think they would be better off else where, they don't suddenly remember that they forgot their keys and ask to be excused. They just leave. But when they are enjoying it, their shining faces are a sight to behold. Many have been the happy hours that I have spent telling stories to my little cousins, nieces, and other kids.

Narration is an art. The audience has to be under the narrator's spell. One has to ensure that not a word is missed, not an emotion lost and not a joke unlaughed. Kodambakkam directors are invariably master story tellers. What they can't get right in the movies, they actually do when they narrate the story to our heroes. And so confident are they of the different fare they are providing, that when interviwed on sets, they invariably say: "Ithu oru different'ana subject...tamil'la intha mathiri kadhai vanthathe kidyadhu......." The Friday review would reveal this different movie to be a college campus love story between a rich girl and poor boy, with the love triumphing at the end. Very different indeed.

But maybe that is doing an injustice to these master narrators. Many a hero falls for the narration skills of these men. The best illustration of how a story is told in Kodambakkam is the scene from Kadhalikka Neram Illai, where Nagesh narrates a horror story to Balaiah. By the end of the scene Balaiah is no more knowledgable about the story than he was at the beginning, because Nagesh's narration actually narrates nothing. He just descibes the scene and describes it well enough to frighten Balaiah big time, just the way any Kodambakkam director/story teller worth his salt would. No wonder Vijaykanth keeps remaking so many of his movies.

And this capacity to mesmerise through real/virtual story telling comes as no wonder, because story telling is something Indians have always been very good at. Indians have a rich heritage of story telling. Stories have been always been a medium of instruction. Stories were used to pass down values from one generation to next. In the bygone ages when values and morals did not change as fast as they do today, stories no doubt helped patch up small gaps between generations. When he sits down to create and narrate stories, sky is the limit for the Indian story teller. He lets the horse of imagination free to wander. Stuff like censor, morals, values actually take a backstage as the horse gallops across the rich terrain of imagination. And the resulting output is a rich collection of stories ranging from the fantastic to the absurd. From the educational Panchtantra, to romantic Kadambari(which is a story labyrinth, what with story inside a story inside a story inside a....). From the Hindu Mahabharata, to the Buddhist Jataka. From the intellectual Vikram and Vetal tales to the deeply sarcastic Parmartha Guru tales by Veera Maamunivar.

Ofcourse story telling is not every one's cup of tea. There is a large population out there who can't tell a tale crisply and engagingly. Many a wannabe story teller can only do a "avan enna sonnanu'na....athu vanthu.....ithunuttan....athavathu vanthu...aven...." type job. If this person is your guest or social superior or worse if he is your boss, you are in big trouble. But actually in the Industrial age, there exists a separate industry for the employment of such human rambams. Mega serials, they call it.

PS: After reading the prepost one of my friends asked me whether the last paragraph was autobiographical. Maybe he be torn apart by a Velociraptor.

Logic da saamy

2007-05-11T10:27:00.000+05:30

Channel KTV...

Movie Mahanadhi..

Scene 1 ...Kamal, Poornam and Rajesh sit together and discuss the unfairness of honest men suffering, after Kamal tries to meet Dhanush(Cochin Hanifa) on return from jail...

Rajesh: ..Nermaiya irukuruvannuku mathipu illai, anal thevidiythanathukku thunai poravannuku maalaiya'nu".....

Scene 2.....Kamal's daughter on coming back from Kolkota mumbles in her sleep......

Kamal's daughter...."Vidungada thevidiya pasangala.....naan enna machina.....

KTV decides that the second utterance of thevidiya is three much so cuts the audio for that portion, while retaining the scene. But it does not do so for the first utterance of the T word. The T word is retained as is the visual.

So what does one infer from this instance selective censoring...

1)Was it a plain case of missing out on the first thevidiya....

2)Was it a case of men using the word being more acceptable than women using it......

3)Or was it a case of pimps being more socially acceptable than bastards....

KTV, kaunse choice ko lock kar diya jaaye ???

Most probably the answer is one...in which case it most certainly means that the person who sat down to decide the censor did not see the movie throughly enough. Also it might be that he/she knew about the occurence of the second T word before hand as it was a much talked about scene. If that is the case what is the point in censoring it? Most people know what was said there anyway. Athu enna logic'o..Devure.....

(BTW I am assuming that it is ok to censor stuff when telecast on TV. That assumption is in itself debatable.)

Kosuru goof up.....
The Kamal Sukanya kissing scene was cut. Now if someone supports that the most natural kissing scene in Tamil movie history, is objectionable to the sensitivities of the viewer, they can jump into koovum....
Nalla velai real life'la intha maari kissing scene'a cut panravnaga ellam illai...:)

How British are We?

2007-05-08T15:23:00.000+05:30

I have always maintained that the national religion of post independence India is Britishism. We are often more British than the British themselves. This is actually true for a variety of reasons ranging from love for the white skin to a colonial hangover to plain inferiority complex. But there actually is more to our Britishism than what I imagined. The man who opened my eyes to how British we actually are was George Mikes. So here goes a passage from his omnibus, "How to be a Brit". The passage is the contents of a secret memo from the Ministry of Standstill(as Mikes calls the Transport Ministry) on how to go about road laying.

"Inasmuch as after seven or eight years of strenuous work, minor road-repairs must unfortunately be terminated, the cooperation of the local authorities is now sought. As soon as the road is covered by the new asphalt, but before it dries it is to be torn up again by the gas authorities; the same procedure is to be repeated by the Water Board authorities;by the telephone authorities; by the Sanitary authorities,by the Inland Revenue; by the local education authorities;by the Chelsea pensioners. As soon as the last-named body has completed operations, ordinary road-repairs may safely recommence."

Now we know why our corporation guys lay roads the way do. They are just being British.

If that is to do with the bureaucratic circles, this is what Mikes has to say about the intellectual achievements of the average British.

"A true-born Englishman does not know any language.......Indeed inability to speak foreign languages seems to be the major if not the only intellectual achievement of the average Englishman."

So our citizens are obediently practicing Britishism when they refuse to learn the language of the place they dwell in and instead continue to use Hindi or English or Tamil(as in Bangalore).
Now who dare question their right to the religion of their choice, a right enshrined in the Constitution?

PS: That line from Mikes reminds me of Cho's dialogue from Mohammed Bin Thuglaq...."Tamil Varathu, English Theriyathu, Hindi Pidikathu".

YOU CAN SIN

2007-04-27T12:37:00.000+05:30

I am extremely jealous of Shiv Khera. It takes a special talent to make millions by advising people not to take drugs, not watch the idiot box for long periods, work hard, study well etc. He just missed adding that we should wash our teeth when we get up in the mornings and eat when hungry. That's ok Shiv, you can add it in the next edition. Kheras'que maxims motivated me to come out with my own book "You Can Sin". This is a semi-biographical motivational book to help you Sin in the Indian context. This book is aimed at the social and economic upper sections. Not that lower sections don't need to know how to sin. Just that they won't buy the book anyway, so why waste time writing for them. I can instead waste time writing for the bourgeois and the bourgeois can waste time reading it. Mutualism, they call such behaviour. So here are some excerpts from this book.

"The easiest way to Sin in India is to claim that you are irreligious. Not secular mind you, for then others would know that you are a hypocrite, though they will understand, because they are hypocrites too. But if you care to admit that you don't bother about the Maker and his creed, then you have most definitely opened your account."

".......idea is to make noises only about caste inequality and not class inequality. If you think that there is something fundamentally unfair in both Salman Khan and tea kadai Ponnusamy being granted a bail for the amount of 50000 rupees for driving over a bunch of workers sleeping on the platform, then you can notch a mark in your Sin sheet. You can add a few more over here by objecting to the fact that law is so egalitarian that it gives freedom to Sarala to hire a good lawyer for appearing on her behalf in the Sarala vs The State case for soliciting customers near Pattinapakkam Bus stand. She only has to find some way to pay the lawyer's fees. Justice will take its own course after that."

"One area where I personally have constantly Sinned is education. By refusing to be an engineer, I assured myself a few hundred points in my Sin sheet. Had I chosen arts ahead of science then I could have assured myself another 100 points. I was once caught by my relatives while (hold your breath) writing poetry. That boosted my score by atleast fity points. Further by choosing to not make any efforts to go to US to further my knowledge of Physics, I ensured an absolute score fest. "

"..........telling your friendly neighbourhood non-sinner that progress in India means we try to replace senseless tradition with even more incorrigible fashion. She will give you a disdainful you-conservatives-are-like-this-only look and you would know that you have notched a few valuable points on the sheet."

"It might surprise you, but a very large section of educated youth and professionals believe that talking Tamil in Chennai, Kannada in Banagalore, and Telugu in Hyderabad is a Sin. So if your runs are not coming from anywhere, just say "nanri" when you get down after getting a lift on the IT highway in Chennai. The fellow would probably ask for pardon from the Great Lord for giving a lift to a langauge Fascist before going to sleep.............. "

"As a citizen you may be concerned with the growing student unrest on some very important issues like whether they should be allowed to wear collared T-shirts to college. If you ask them the logic behind fighting big time for their rights on such serious issues while obediently following the dress code in the software companies they join soon after college.....er.....well what should I say..... for this you get the pleasure of being simulatenously denounced a chauvinist, fascist and a communist by students and media alike."

"If you claim that advertisements often are just glorified cheating, you will be baptised a Sinner by Free Marketeers. They will then proceed to give you a lecture on the importance of advertisements, the freedom to choose, the right to know, the duty to fart and other assorted rhetoric. If you disagree with Free market rhetoric and point out how the most industrialised nations have always depended upon state subsidies to become what they are, you will be deemed an irredeemably indoctrinated Sinner. Congratulations on reaching the Centurion Sinners Club in one stroke."

"......we are dealing with the Indian context, there is one area of public thought which even the most incompetent sinner can use to build up his box of Sins. Comment on the rationality behind students not finding the concept of management seats (reservation for the rich) in Engineering and Medical colleges unfair and detrimental to the nation, even while they are engaged in crying that caste based reservation is bad for the country."

I have not committed all the Sins pointed out here. But I do have a feeling of camaraderie for people who commit such Sins. Long ago a Patti called me a Pashandi for not following the supposed rules and practices of the caste I was born into. I must thank the Patti for being honest and speaking out her mind, for there have been others who have just thought the same, but have not said it aloud. Thanks to all these people I have managed to accumulate an unusally large number of Sins. Now it is just a matter of time before the guys down in the Sin Land give me a permanent resort to stay when I am there.

The King and I

2007-04-23T13:39:00.000+05:30

It would be hard to find someone more unfortunate than Brian Lara in world cricket. There was a point of time in the late 90's, when he used to be blamed for every single West Indian defeat. What could be more unfortunate than the fact that in addition to scoring most runs in tests, he also has played in most lost causes. He was also a victim of an unusually large number of poor decisions(for eg 3 times in 6 innings in Australia in 2005). And to add salt to wound, the run out at Kensington Oval on Saturday.

The first time I saw him play, he was stumped of the bowling of Narendra Hirwani in the WSC in Australia 1991-92. Looking back at his subsequent mastery of spin bowling of all forms it is hard to believe that he was stumped once upon a time. But at that point Sydney 1993 was still a year away. Half of my senior school life went in fighting on behalf of Lara in the eternal Lara vs Tendulkar fight. I have sat through all his great knocks against the Aussies. My favourite is of course the magical 153 at Kensington Oval, rated the second best knock in Tests. That Mcgrath had to resort to bowling wide of the stumps to prevent him from playing said it all. The fan that I then was, my email id had (still has) the Lara number (375) to it. (Though it should rightfully be 400 now). But then as I matured, I also began to recognise the other not so good side of Lara. Not good as in not good for West Indies cricket.Too big a super star in a team game, he was. I don't blame him for that though. Often he has been criticised for being mercurial. But that is a feature of all geniuses. Illayaraja has his classics, but then he also has his super lows. Try listening to some of his music for a few 1980 Pandiarajan movies. But then given the right situation and frame of mind, that man could make you float on cloud nine. Lara was like that. He was not a Steve Waugh to work on his batting or captaincy. He led by inspiration. But then the thing with trying to lead by deeds and inspiration is that one also has to be an extreme team man. On field Lara was always a team man. Off the field not always so. That returns us to the point of being a lone super star in an average team.

I am sad that Lara has retired. He has been one of my 6 favourite entertainers. But then there is always a time to retire. I am glad that he got out while he was still on top as a batsman. The square drive that could precisely split the point and the backward point was still in place. So were the cheeky sweep and the delicate laaaate cut as he showed in Chepauk. And the most glorious of them all, the dancing down the pitch to hoick the ball anywhere that he chose between widish long on and deep extra cover.

I was then (as I am still now) an ardent follower of Windies cricket. A thankless task it has been for the last 10 years. But then "ithu... kathal". And for the sake of Windies cricket I am looking forward to the post Lara era. There won't be any more super stars from the tiny islands. Just a bunch of talented individuals. Unlike most readers of CaribbeanCricket.com, I think Windies will do better (provided they also solve their Board and payment issues) from now. With the possible exception of Chris Gayle, Windies cricket has been over the last few years all about Lara. This has been inspite of Lara's own efforts to project others. In his last 100 ODI's atleast he has always batted down the order giving a chance for the younger guys to bat. With the exception of Gayle and Sarwan, others have not made good use of this opportunity. The media and critics were still focussing on Lara. Now with his retirement, hopefully the others would come out and perform. And with no numero uno amongst their midst, hopefully they will play better as a team just like the Kiwis.

Thank you Brian. You have entertained us all like no other. You have been a living example on how to maintain one's quality even when others around are losing theirs. You leave behind a rich memories. Thank you once again. But now as Holding points out, we will look to the future.

Dasavatharam flicked from Swahili?

2007-04-17T12:39:00.000+05:30

An interesting article and debate this on PFC.Actually a wholly more interesting thing is the question of plagiarism. What is plagiarism? When does an inspiration become plagiarism? I guess this is one accusation that has been the bane of artists since time immemorial. Even with improved technology and more accessibility to art forms world over, the fact remains that any serious artist or thinker or for that matter a scientist is often influenced subconsciously/consciously by things around him. Michael Crichton claims to have been influenced by Arthur Conan Doyle's Lost World when he wrote Jurrasic Park. Congo was inspired from King Solomon Mines and so on. But Congo and JP retain a seperate identity, because of the quintessential Crichton persepective that they provide.

So are the seemingly arbitrary accusations of plagiarism, an attempt at celebrity knocking? Or are these genuine accusations? Or are these an attempt to attract attention made by failed artists or artists who have not got what they deserved? After all when makers of meaningful cinema like Balchanadar, Bala, Mani or Kamal are accused of plagiarism, the accuser gets a chance to be associated with stories/movies which have some semblence of quality about them. No such accusations are made about Ajith or Vijay or Rajini movies. Such is the quality of their movies that no sensible person wants to have credit for the storlyline. (Eeeksss...Why would one want to be the story writer of Tirupacchi or Alwar). On the other hand with such big money and fame involved, no one would be above flicking a thing or two from around. So one can't just throw out offhand such accusations.

Kannadasan used an unique way to shut up people crying fowl. Kannadasan faced accusations of plagiarism from a couple of tamil writers early in his movie making career. But then soon he found a very viable method to put an end to these accusations. The titles of all his movies thereafter included a line like this.."adapted from the novel 'Chadramathi' by Ashutosh Mukherjee' or 'adapted from the Begali novel "Akaansha" by Anirban Bandhopadhyay'. And as expected no one took the trouble to find whether such a novel really did exist or not.

So maybe Kamal should announce that Dasavatharam is actually an adaptation of the Swahili oral rendition called "Ten lives of a vagabond in sub Saharan Africa" by Ntkeli Mbwanga. That should shut them up.

A criticial enquiry into the elementary problem of fluid ejection dynamics.

2007-04-05T16:20:00.000+05:30

At the end of every third hour or so, Sai and I used to walk upto what he called the "Pissa Corner", to empty our bladders, desperately trying to not breathe while there. (Mate..why do you think just because it was IIT, toilets had to have water....hmmm??). That one could shit also at the "Pissa Corner" (if one could stand the stench for a longer time) is one technicality that we chose to ignore. "Pissa Corner" it remained and shall remain forever, amen.

BNB's reference to an urgent mission set me on a historic endeavour to find why we folks don't refer to the stuff by its name. After all calling "moocha", "moocha" shouldn't be a crime. Now the first question that I raise in this enquiry is, "Who was that siru viral krishna rao who first used his kutty viral to indicate that he was on his way to the gentlemen's room." Let me preempt the several hundred "peters" waiting to point out the lack of that particular room in ancient India. Relax my dear "peters of india", we will call it the gentlemen's 'puthar'.

The fluid in concern has the "Thou shall not be named" character associated with it. So one finds "ungaLala aathirathaiyum adakka mudiyathu,......................." like lines in movies, that leave the unnamed one, to be imagined by the viewer. Why is it that we feel the need not to say that we are on the way to, if i am allowed nounifying a verb, pass the piss. What do we find objectionable in referring to an action, which if we fail to do even once for a whole day, can kill us. So much for the risks of not passing it outside, Morarji Desai actually used to pass it inside, and hence lived to a ripe age of 100. But thankfully one does not always have to consume the yellow fluid to be safe. Actually even letting it out would serve just the purpose. If you don't trust me, you could have asked Yuri Gagarin, were he alive. If you think he came back alive from space because the Soviet engineers had made an engineering marvel in Vostok 1, I can only click my tongue and wonder at your ignorance. Care to know what brought him back safely? Well, he had actually emptied his bladder on the back tyre of the jeep which carried him to the launch pad, before taking off. That was why Yuri was able to return safely back to earth. If you find that ridiculous, tell it to the numerous cosmonauts who follow this life saving practise before embarking on their missions . I even heard that ISRO is planning to include this in its checklist for“Steps to go to moon”. Now you know what the first Indian on moon did, minutes before take off.

From faith to philosophy. Have you ever forcefully held in the stuff, your brains ordering your bladders to not release the fluid because you were caught on the wrong bus which just did not stop at any bye-pass tea kadai. How did it feel when you finally released the load at the end of the ordeal. A friend of mine, has a wonderful word for this particular feeling. Paramanandam, he calls it. He hath not spoken a truer word since. One may grin and bear Vijay movies, one may sit through a T.R master class with minimum discomfort, but sitting for a few hours with one's bladders desperately trying to eject the fluid while the brain is busy sending SOS's to the bladder muscles to hold it in, would be enough to bring a tremor to even Napolean's face.

Actually it is these little things that brings life to a stand still, perplexing one like nothing else. And it is always these little things which puts life into perspective and forcing on us some much needed humility. That is why most perusu's say, "konjam addaki vaasi kanna".

The social attitude towards the whole issue is best captured in this memorable line from a Tamil movie, translated by adiyen. "There are many temples in our cities, but have you ever seen a man running up to you urgently in need of a temple, desperately searching for a place to practise his faith ". Sticking with the practise of not referring to the thing, I will omit the other half of the dialogue, leaving it to the reader's imagination. It is the manisfestation of this attitude towards passing the piss, that one sees on the well wetted outer walls of many an use and pay public toilet.

Mahabharata relates the story of one Brahman who goes about this task standing. The poor man suffers for this folly in his next birth(or some such thing). Whether one suffers in the next birth or not, one might suffer in this birth. The standing posture I guess probably does not produce enough pressure or some such thing. At any rate, the fact that men suffer from more cases of stone in the urinary tract can be attributed to the fact that they stand and deliver. Now having passed on this crucial piece of information/misinformation as the case may be, my article escapes the fate of not being even 1 piss'a worth.

PS: I am planning to get this detailed review, published in the Journal of Pissical Sciences. Wish me good luck.

Spotted

2007-04-04T15:30:00.000+05:30

A title of a paper on my guide's desk...........

Activation of micrological group III, metabotropic Glutamate Receptors Protects Neurons against microglial neurotoxicity.

Ennamo sollureega'nu theriyudhu..ana enna'nu theriyala.............

Quote of the day

2007-04-02T13:13:00.000+05:30

I used to think I was poor. Then they told me I wasn't poor, I was needy. Then they told me it was self-defeating to think of myself as needy, I was deprived. Then they told me deprived was a bad image, I was underprivileged. Then they told me underprivileged was overused, I was disadvantaged. I still don't have a dime. But I sure have a great vocabulary.

--- Jules Feiffer B.1929

Who killed the Imaginative Indian?

2007-03-25T18:04:00.000+05:30

Four students return home after their training. On the way, they see the skeletal remains of a lion. Thinking that to be the best opportunity to test their skills, three of them decide to give life to the lion. Now the fourth guy who happens to be dumb at studies, objects. He argues that giving back life to a dead lion would be a rash act and would boomerang on them. The others ignore him. The dumb fellow then proceeds to climb the nearest tree, while the others go ahead and put their skills to test. One of them uses his knowledge to arrange the skeletal remains, over which the next student adds the muscles and tissues. The last one uses his knowledge to breathe life into the lion. The lion on getting to its feet promptly makes a meal of the smart three. The dumbass on the tree looks on sadly.

An entreprenuer uses his money and advertising skills to bring together a group of genetic engineers and paleontologists to recreate a species dead for 65 million years. The lone mathematician in the group objects. He criticises the entrepreneur and the scientists involved for playing with living objects as if they were toys. He predicts that the system would collapse. It does. The mathematician survives to tell the tale.

What do the two stories have in common. The second is the gist of Michael Crichton's Jurrasic Park. The first is a story from Panchatantra by Vishnu Sharma from around 200 BC. Now the claim is not that Crichton flicked the idea from Panchtantra. He most probably does not know about the existence of this work. And neither do I belong to the clan led by Swami Dayanand Saraswathi to make "engineered" claims about India's glorious genetic past. What I find similar and hence interesting is the thought about the dangers of easy knowledge or "off the shelf technology". The aim of the Panchatantra story is most probably to warn about the dangers of text book knowledge not supplemented with common sense. But if the upper layer is slightly ruffled one finds a more important and profound thought coming to fore. That being, the discipline which one should develop along with the technology.

Crichton puts this thought across, through the character of the mathematician Ian Malcolm in Jurassic Park. Scientific power is like "inherited wealth......Most kinds of power require a substantial sacrifice by whoever wants the power. There is an apparenticeship, a discipline lasting many years ...... Whatever it is you seek, you have to give up a lot to get it.............Now what is interesting about this process is that by the time someone has acquired the ability to kill with his bare hands, he has also matured to a point where he won't use it unwisely...."

Crichton gives a very good example of the sort of discipline which science does not foster in the mind of the user.
"A karate master does not kill people with his bare hands. He does not lose his temper and kill his wife. The person who kills is the person who has no discipline.......who has purchased his power in the form of a Saturday night special....."

The Mahabharta provides a simple illustration of the need for discipline which one should develop along with any skill and the dangers, the lack of this control causes. Ashwattama is one of the 3 survivors after the war in the Kaurava army. He vows to destroy the Pandavas and in the figt with Arjuna unleashes the deadly Brahmastra on them. Arjuna counters it with a deadly weapon of his own. But Veda Vyasa intervenes fearing the calamity that the weapons would bring to the land. He advices both the parties to retract the weapons. Now Arjuna, being more disciplined and having mastered the use of weapon the hard way, manages to do it. But Ashwattama was imparted the knowledge of the weapon by Drona, out of affection for him. Ashwattama didn't have the superior discipline which was a necessary condition to handle such weapons. Hence he is not able to call back the weapon. And he is forced to target it onto Uttaraa's womb containing Parakshit who is then brought alive by Krishna(Now that is something which I have always found difficult to digest..but more on that in later posts). But again the point made is that one shouldn't get to use a technology unless one shows the discipine and control required for the proper use of the technology. The Mahabharata example even suggests a need for the ability to outrightly erase the action and not just provide remedies.

While there were men in India atleast 2000 years back, who could think about the risks of technology and could visualise the dangers that accompanies the acquisition of knowledge, the 'Shining Indians' of the present can't even make a decent movie without being unabashedly inspired by some Hollywood movie or novel. This leads to my favourite question,"Who killed the imaginative Indian"...A simplified answer I guess would be a mix of snobbish,opportunistic, spineless and stagnant Brahmins, fanatic Muslim kings, and to top it all the self righteous civilisers from the British Isles who set up an education system to provide them with obedient dubashi clerks, an education system we still have not tried to change.

Thank you media

2007-03-21T12:42:00.000+05:30

One day Bangladesh (which is no minnow having already defeated India once and more importantly Australia and Pakistan convincingly) defeats an insipid Indian team and the whole nation (or so it seems if you trust the news channels) is fuming. The sons of the soil are so pained that they wreak havoc on Dhoni's house. (One just wishes they do this to their local MLA's or councillors house post elections). And a couple of days later India thrashes a lowly Bermuda and the news channels can't stop praising the event for the next 24 hours. Added to this the media and other personalities go gaga over Sehwag for thrashing a side which was easily the poorest in the World Cup. Maybe we should include him in the Indian cricket Hall Of Fame.

So where does it all lead. An upset is made into a disaster and a stroll in the park is presented as a magnificent triumph. Hail the media for adding spice to our life. I just can't imagine how boring our lives would have been without you folks. I tell you, the next time we have a religious riot, you guys will be the biggest instigators. Thanks for that in advance.

Venneer with Panneer - 2 ( Entry scenes for heroes)

2007-03-17T14:09:00.000+05:30

There is this thing called a stylish entry scene for our heroes, where the hero enters with a bang.....For Rajini and his clones there will be the camera panning from the shoes(which will be a Nike even if hero is a velai illai pattadari) to the face and then a smile and a wink followed by a song where the hero praises himself sky high. If the hero happens to be too modest then he will get some vetti fellows to do the praising. Another version would be a fight scene with a hand suddenly appearing to stop the villian from cutting off one pava patta ponnusamy's head or stripping off some pookari's saree....The clenched muscles and sweaty hands and the music reaching a crescendo turns an anticlimax as the camera reveals the owner of the iron hand to be Ramarajan in pink shirt and green pants.

One of the earliest stylish entry scenes was in Sivaji's Raja Raja Chozhan. While the head sculptor is busy at his work, his young assistant, who has to give him his betel leaves, runs away, without telling the sculptor. When the sculptor asks for the leaves, a hand with a bracelet appears on screen and as the sculptor turns to spit the leaves in the jar he notices that it is the king standing and giving him the leaves. As Sivaji enters the screen you have proper entry music with Thavil pattayakalappifying. And then the great man gives an acknowledging nod in his usual style. Truly a classic opening piece. And it straight away makes a point about the nature of the art loving king.

But apart from this and a few others there have not been many really wonderful opening scenes which also make a distinctive point about the nature of the character. So as usual while searching for anything quality in Tamil movies, one turns to Kamal's(mostly post nayagan) movies. So here is the list of my top 3 opening scenes for Kamal. All these scenes in addition to being interesting make a point about the character of the hero.

1. Opening scene of Nammavar with Kamal entering the college during a bloody strike. He ducks as a bottle is thrown at him by Karan, when he tries to enter the college. He turns around to show a thumbs down, making the point that he has seen it all and won't be intimidated by that. This is Kamal's most stylish enry scene ever. The purposeful lecturer not about to be put off by kids wielding weapons. A brilliant start to a not so brilliant movie.

2. There are some roles which Kamal could do a lot better than Sivaji. One of them being, acting clumsy and awkard. A case in study being the Chaplinsque scene with Kamal getting stuck trying to push a trolley through a small door at the airport. What follows is a laugh riot. What better introduction does the clumsy Sakthivel Gounder of Sathi Leelavathy need.

3. The station scene in Thevar Magan makes a contrasting point to the serious role which Sakthi would have to play later in life. For the moment life for this man is all fun and frolic. And by the time the movie ends one is left wondering sadly, eppadi iruntha Sakthi ippadi aaitaru.

These are my top 3. Maybe Bala and others could add a few more to this.

Haikus...all the way...

2007-03-15T20:16:00.000+05:30

This is a collection of 9 haiku’s I wrote at Saarang 05. Haiku is a japanese verse form having 5-7-5 syllable scheme. They should necessarily have a reference to a season (atleast indirectly). Even pointers to a season are allowed.(eg Mosquitoes refer to summer,snow to winter etc). Metaphors and simlies are to be avoided. As this is my first attempt at Haiku all my verses do not necessarily stick to the 5-7-5 scheme. But I have tried to bring in the seasons concept in most. We were given a few words and asked to write haiku’s having a connection ( however vague)with the word.

1.Woman

Half of god,
Lost in the sleaze
Where is she?

2. Silence

Post the cacaphony
In the autumn of life
Yearning for silence.

3. Kitten

Damn the lineage
Small and weak it may be
Cat is still tiger family

4. Grass

Apostles of peace
Do not trample me
Abode of insects

5. Blue

How to describe
Rainbow in the sky
To the colourblind

6. Physics

Saying heating expands
So summer days are longer
Is no physics

7. Death

On an invisible horse
Fast as a cyclonic wind
Death chased me

8. Train

Life does not stop
Unlike a speeding train
For tracks under water

9. Phone

When in heat
Cuckoo needs no phone
To pick its mate

"Red is the colour of poverty"

2007-02-16T18:18:00.000+05:30

This is not a review or an analysis. It is more a recollection of a much watched (10 times) movie over coffee along with friends. For lack of imagination I propose to name this series, (Bad luck...I hope to write more...) "Venneer with Panneer". Why Venneer ?...That's what is the output of our office coffee vendor.

There is this creature in Indian movies called the "Angry Young Man"(AYM). Usually you have an Amitabh or Chiru or Rajini playing this creature. Of course even Ramarajan, Thyagarajan and TR have played this role in a few movies. But then this is a serious post. Kamal played this creature in Varumayin Niram Sivappu (VNS). Directed by Balachandar (KB), VNS revolves around the life and struggles of an angry idealist Rangan(Kamal). Rangan is very choosy about the job he wants. He is not ready to compromise his principles for anything. And neither is he the patient "Poruthar Bhoomi Alwar" kind. But the red hot commie shown here is not the variety which is usually portrayed in AYM movies. Rangan is an idealist who can't tolerate the moral and ethical rot around him. But then his anger and actions do not always evoke sympathy, simply for the reason that he is a man who is trying to overcome poverty and travails of life on his own terms. He is an "Individual" in the strictest sense, not ready to lose himself and his ideals in the milling and tussling crowd around him. And his actions can sometimes be justified only from his point of view. The rehearsal scene with Prathap Pothen is an example.

The observer meanwhile is not expected to shed loads of tears for Rangan. The sorrow and pain of the character is something which makes us think and ponder about and not just plainly emote as did the staple Sivaji movies of 60's and 70's. Having said that this movie shows what is probably one of the most poignant scenes in the history of Tamil cinema. This is the scene where Kamal, Dilip and SVe Sekar act as if they are having lunch to fool a waiting Sridevi. But the reality would be that between themselves they wouldn't have a single paisa, let alone enough money for a meal. What starts as a comic scene, climaxes with the seriousness of the situation hitting you hard. If this scene does not move you in some way, then you can duplicate for Vijay in his next movie.

Speaking of SVe Sekar, one keeps wondering at the tremendous timing sense of this man. There are at least a half dozen situations where he just dominates the other two. And dominating Kamal in comedy scenes is tall order. No wonder Sujatha once said "SVe Sekar Indru Vyazha Kizhamainnu Sonna Kooda Sirripu Varum". KB cleverly includes the character of Dilip to contrast Rangan. Dilip is not a man to be bound by scruples. Anything goes is his style. Sridevi plays the female interest. Though her character promises to be different, she tames down to be a typical helpless Indian woman. But I guess KB intended her to be so, with a dialogue by Rangan suggesting the same.

KB along with Cho were the pioneers of political satire in movies. VNS has its fair quota too with this particular dialogue taking the cake. SVe Sekar comes to Delhi searching for a job and stays with Dilip and Kamal, who are busy doing the same, searching for a job that is. Sekar has a recommendation from an MLA. Dilip reminds him about the forthcoming elections and chances of this MLA's party losing. Sekar coolly replies "Entha Katchi Jaichalaum Namma MLA Athula Irrupar Da". With well targeted digs at the Congress and their brand of Socialism this movie very pointedly indicates to the state of lofty idealogy and ideals in the 1980's India. "Idhukum mela thedina socialisme kidaikkum", says Kamal digging in the dustbin searching for his photo.

KB captures tension between characters very well. He is not reknown for the action sequences in films. But then time and again he proved that to create and depict tension between characters one does not really need a drunk villain or aruva wielding hero shouting Aeeei....oiiiii......aaaiiii etc. Unnal Mudiyum Thambi (UMT) had a superb depiction of the conflict between a father and son, both belonging to different times and valuing different things. UMT sort of has its roots in VNS, what with Poornam Vishwanathan and Kamal fighting it out. Dialogue stands out in this conflict.

Poornam : Vitta appaniya vithuttu vandhu nippan.....

Kamal : (a small pause)...Evan vaanguvan...

And as in UMT, the Dad accepts the son's position at the end. And KB sensibly cuts the melodrama out of the portion. Just wouldn't fit both the characters.

Songs in KB movies always stand out. My favourite in VNS is "Pattu onnu paadu thambi". MSV yet again justifies why he ruled the roost for a long time till Raja came along. This song is a sarcastic(Kannadasan) number and has the trio dancing to really hiphop music. The lyrics are as biting as they can get and both SPB and Kamal ensure that the cynicism carries through to the audience fully. (Watch out for Kamal enacting a satisfied man when he says "Paatu onnu paadu thambi pasiya konjam marandhiruppom" at the end of 3rd stanza). At the other end of the spectrum is "Nallathor veenai seidhen" soulfully sung by SPB for Poornam Vishwanathan!!! Guess he tells that to his grandchildren with some pride.

This movie is supposed to be a decent hit. That is very surprising in that the movie has no really obvious storyline, no obvious start and finish. There are quite a few flaws too most obviously in editing and the ending in itself is not all that smooth. And typically there are a few cliched KB scenes. But then KB has always maintained the dramatic element in all his movies, which by itself has its charm. The realistic movie buffs may not like him, but no one can deny that time and again KB gave movies that gave us a lot to mull over and at the same time were very engaging and entertaining. That I believe is the primary goal of any art.

PS:Chembai@yahoo.com writes in IMDb review that "Thengai Sreenivasan appears for a few incredibly funny minutes, proving that there are no small roles -- only small actors". I couldn't have put it better. Obviously a dress rehearsal for his unforgettable role in Thillu Mullu, which released the next year.

That most awaited movie....Veersamy

2007-02-01T13:29:00.000+05:30

The TR fan club of IIT Madras Alumni finally have reasons to be cheerful. The Master is back this week with VEERASAMY, wherein he plays the role of a youth, who fights evils in the society.Vera evannukuda ivallavu dhil irruku (This man included.)

One can expect anal(athu Tamil ba) parakkum vasanam, good old Thangachi sentiment(Thangachi yaaru Meghna Naidu va ???), "vanthenda machi, vazhakai bajji" dialogues and some "matter" songs in what should be the biggest flop of the year. But that shall not deter TR or his innnumerable fans.(Actually that is the problem)

Kadaisiyaga IIT Madras Alumni TR Fan Club saarabaga, intha paamaalaiyai TRukku sootugiren....

Chinna payan padam edutha Sathanai
Namma Cheran padam fulla Bothanai
Captain veetula IT kaaranga Sothanai
Namma TR pada pakkurathu Rothanai
Thevaya nammaku vera Vethanai.
Ah Dandanaka Dandanaka Thandanai.

PS : Look TR has fans in Andhra Pradesh too...This makes him a national hero.

FoodComm Wars- RETURN OF THE VADAI

2007-01-25T14:24:00.000+05:30

It was early Monday morning. Vinod hastily climbed the stairs of the college hostel. He stopped for a second to gather his breath and then he ran along the long corridor to the Bathroom. Panting and gasping he shouted to the junta inside “Dei Vadaiya menulendhu thookitangada” ("Guys !!! Vadai has been removed from the breakfast menu.")

Within 15 minutes a huge crowd had gathered around the mess manager’s desk in the hostel mess. The indignant inmates surrounded the Mess Manager and tried to give him the third degree. The Mess Manager argued that the were running short of ingredients for making Vadai . This caused further confusion as the students started murmering that the Manager was selling the material meant for the hostel in the black market. The mayhem continued for nearly 30 minutes. The students calmed down only when the Warden climbed on the table and shouted the others down. He acknowledged that the unthinkable had happened. And that he would ensure that justice was done. The crowd slowly but unwillingly dispersed.

An outsider may wonder what the fuss was all about. After all what had happened was that the Vadai had been removed from the Breakfast menu. If not the Vadai, one would be eating something else. So what’s the big deal? Where he to voice his opinion, such an outsider would be commiting blasphemy.

The Tamilian likes his Vadai and he is sensitive about it. He will maintain the stiff upper lip if the water problem is not solved in the State. He will grin and bear the horrendous roads. He will accept bribes as a part of life in the state. He will not twitch a muscle when his favourite hero’s movie bombs at the box office. But tell a word against Vadai and that could as well be your last word.

A fervent patron of Vadai, with whom I was doing a pointless chat once, told me that he was shocked to learn that the Mumbaikar ate the Vadai placing it between loaves of bun. “Where is India heading, if the Vadai is treated with such utter contempt”, asked this true son of the soil. I hastened to assure him, that the Vada of the Mumbaikar’s Vadapav he was referring to, was closer to the Bonda of the Chennaite than the Vadai. And that our brethren, north of Krishna were not brainless to hide the Vadai between loaves of bread and spoil it. The patron heaved a sigh of relief and added “Yes ….and even if they did, wouldn’t their act be as futile as the act of the clouds which try to hide the sun.” Such is the passion and poetry that Vadai fuels in the mind of the Chennaite who loves his food.

“So if you folks like Vadai so much, why do you treat it as a second hero, by having it along with two Idlies.”. This question may pop up in the mind of the skeptical outsider

The idea of having two Idlys and one Vadai is not just an economic choice but also shows profound philosophy. Moderation and balance are the essence of human life. Even Amritha, the Divine nectar has to be taken in moderation. The Idly with its non-existent taste brings in plain serenity to one’s life. The Vadai on the other hand stimulates one’s taste buds. It brings in excitement to the serene life. By having Vadai and Idly in the 1:2 ratio, one ensures a balance in life. If either one of them is not in the correct proportion, the delicate balance is lost. The Chinese call such a thing the Yin and Yang. The Tamilian simply chooses to call it Idly and Vadai. And whatmore, he continues to practice it everyday in his life.

The discerning eater might now ask, which Vadai was banned from the hostel. Was it the Masala Vadai, or the Keerai vadai or was it the ULundhu Vadai?

That a class system exists among even Vadais is a fact undeniable. While each one of us may have a different opinion about which of the above said category of Vadais taste better, we may be better served to take the opinion of the Connoisseurs of Vadai. But as it turns out on such sensitive topics, even the experts themselves fail to come to any conclusion. So as a resolution to this complex issue, I suggest all Vadais be treated the same. Let equality prevail atleast in the realm of the Vadais.

Coming back to the issue of the banned Vadai, the hostel inmates had to go without Vadai for nearly four days. A high level committee was formed comprising of the Hostel Warden, Mess Secretary(who was the student’s representative) and the Dean of Students. The committee investigated this issue painstakingly. The Mess Manager stuck to his stand that the provisions for the month for making Vadai were over and he would not be able to do anything till the money for the next month was allocated. The others suspected him of misappropriating funds, but could not prove anything conclusively. So finally as an effort to appease the students, the Mess Manager was shifted to staff mess and the students were told that the man who could not understand their sentiments about Vadai did not deserve a place in the hostel and hence was transferred to the Staff Mess where he could do less harm.

Things finally returned to normality over the weekend. And a huge cheer went up as King Vadai returned to its rightful place the next Monday.

Pongal nalvazhthukkal.....

2007-01-14T13:41:00.000+05:30

Finally the most Secular of them all festivals....(Me turning religious????!!!)

"Aayiram Karangal Neeti
Anaikkindra Thaye Potri
Arul Pongum Mugathai Kaati
Irul Neekam Thanthai Potri
Thayinum Parinthu Sala Sagalarai Anaippai Potri
Thazhaikkum Or Uyirkatkellam Thunaikkaram Koduppai Potri
Thoorathey Neruppai Vaithu Saarathai Tharuvai Potri
Gnayire Nalamey Vazhga Nayagan Vadivey Potri
Naanilam Ulla Naal Mattum Potruvom Potri Potri"

Nanri: Kannadasan, Sirgazhi, TMS, BR Panthulu, MSV and one particular medium sized star....

My favourite doctors

2007-01-14T13:14:00.000+05:30

First it was Sivaji and then Illayaraja, and then a couple of years back Kamal and now Brian Lara. Now that four of my favourite entertainers have got a doctorate, albiet honorary(Nagesh is left undoctored and Crichton started a "doctor"), I am left wondering when I am getting one. Now don't tell me I have to wait three more years for getting one in physics. What about an honorary doctorate? Err...reason?....Well they could give one for...er....one ofcourse does not want to project oneself...ummm......guess it will kind of sound arrogant if I start recounting my achievements..er......
I am planning tp ask SVe Sekar to get hold of Annan Arivudainambi of the Aniathu Indiya Attgasa Katchi to grant me one....Don't know what the market rate is these days.....
Meanwhile congrats Dr Brian Lara......

dei sridhara!!...ennamo poda

2006-12-22T18:36:00.000+05:30

Have you ever had an original idea? Yes?...Good. Then you would surely have enjoyed the feeling of floating on air, looking down at fellow mortals who just do not have it in them to be as original and enlightened as you. You almost feel that you are a Buddha.(Oh well I am already a Buddha, for a different reason though). Let me tell you, the feeling that stumbling upon an original idea gives, is better than sex, trust me. Er...well you can't trust me on that currently, but you do get the picture...Good. But then what happens if you find that your "original" idea also happened to be an original idea of some guy who got at it even before you were born? Sunk...yes...Deflated.... yes....and no I am not giving an analogy for that.

I happen to have a large number of such "original" ideas, which by some underhand scheme these blokes (who go around in the guise of scientists and philosophers) manage to pinch when they feel like it. And employing some type of classified technology they travel back in time to a period of their choice, secure in the knowledge that, that technology is beyond me currently. Some of them like Mahavira even went back a more than a couple of thousand years to ensure that I don't end up following him there. History claims that he was one of the earliest to speak about ecological footprints. He advised each one of us to live a life like a bird leaving no trail behind. And how many know that I arrived at the same conclusion, a mere 2500 years later. None......I tell you it is just not fair.

I spend years ignoring my school and college curriculum, locking myself in a room, developing a theory of equality of all being, doing away with the idea of relative value of beings which is an extremely anthropocentric view and developed my theory of the existence of a form of socialism in nature. And what happens? Some fellows led by Arne Naess propound the basic tenets of Deep Ecology and carry away all the fame. And what is the advantage they had over me? A small matter of 40 years.

Having given up trying to claim rights to Deep Ecology, I next concentrated on developing my pet misanthropic theory of man being a biological error who multiplies and destroys like a virus and is nothing but a pest in the grander scheme of things. Now who asked Mr Ernst Mayr to propound the same thing (in fact Mayr used the same words "biological error") a few decades before me. Thanks to Chomsky and Hugo Chavez, people think that Mr Mayr was the only man who happened to have this train of thought, even as I continue to fret and fume over my fate of having born a few decades late. With the regularity with which this sort of thing is happening, I won't be surprised if there is a conspiracy involved. There seems to a pretty concerted effort by some superior powers to not give me my due share of credit to some of the most profound theories that mankind has known.

But then one can never keep a good man down. Offlate I have stopped fretting about such issues and have instead adopted a different tactic. If no one else praises you, praise yourself. If you can't fight them, join them. Such Shiva Kherasque maxims meant that I have stopped grudging these folk and instead started claiming membership to their elite circle. And I insist on feeling good about all my original discoveries, even if some one else thought about it before me. So these days you would find me doing only the Janakraj thing after making any profound discovery. "dei sridhara eppadida ippadi ellam....eppadi unnala ippadiellam mudiyudhu...ennamo poda...."

"The Summer Lightning"

2006-12-19T19:08:00.000+05:30

Here goes a poem I wrote ages back on ahem...Summer. I have never made any claims to any degree of timings in my posts. After all my blog is either about the past and/or about the future and nothing about the present.

Splotch!! Splotch!!!!
The ink spread across,
As sweat spattered on to the paper.

I had given up by then,
Writing is no fun,
when sweat flows more profusely than ideas.

“Damn the summer”, I cursed,
Breaking the pen into half.
For all the serious effort to write on my part,
the blighted summer still had the last laugh.

As I sat fretting and fuming aloud,
Someone called out my name.
Startled at the sound, I turned around to see,
A little kid standing upright.
Written all over the face, the unabashed glee,
Was the naked dual of me, all chirpy and bright.

"Shucks, you are in bad shape sonny
My God, you can’t be that old surely?
In case you do not recognise me,
You are the future of yours truly.”
Bantered, this part of me, from the past.

Wounded by the mocking words, I retorted
"It is this wretched summer so sweltering
The whole place is hot and scorching,
Humidity factor too, you must add,
to know why I look so haggard.
In the morning I started to write,
And throughout I had to fight.
I am sweating at every pore,
And my mind has long gone sore.
Blame it on this blighted summer,
God I ache for the cold winter”.

My past gave me a weird look
plus a smile befitting a crook.
And in a tone very patronizing, spoke,

“You are a loser my man, just as all men.
The summer is as hot as always
But you have changed.
Remember the time when you loved summer?
When summer meant holidays and cricket,
When the heat did not bother you,
You played all day long in the sun.
What did the heat do to you then?
Do you remember the time,
When you used to play barefoot in the ground?
Was the summer hot then?”

"You have grown stronger in the body with age.
But you have lost the plot on the way.
Summer is the ultimate test of adaptability.
It is the test of your ability to coexist.
The test is won when we unite with nature,
And not when we hide from it.
Flow like air and not block like a wall.
Is not just a lesson in martial arts for you.
It is the first law of survival too.
Surprising it is, that man,
Manages to forget this basic rule,
He knew untutored, as a child”.

“Look at that mighty creature Hanuman.
A monkey, yet still so human.
Remember his attempt to grab the sun,
Was it all a child’s attempt at fun?
No my friend.
Wishing to pay his salutations to the Lord of light,
That mighty kid made a giant leap and flew.
But struck down he was in mid flight,
By the adults, who had lost the plot just like you.”

“Next time, you complain about the sizzling heat,
Remember the time you were a kid.
United you were then with the nature
And heat was never a summer feature”

PS: Though the tone of the poem suggests otherwise, I do not belong to that "cocksure" group which does not accept that the earth is warming up.

Quote of the day---Ingmar Bergmann

2006-11-28T14:42:00.000+05:30

"EVERYTHING IS WORTH A BELCH, THE DIFFERENCE BEING THAT THE BELCH IS MORE SATISFYING"

ennai quote ithu...oru manushana pirakkavechu, avara pala padangal direct pannavechu, apparam intha mathiri golden words'a pesavechu......intha mathiri quote thaan oru kadavul irrukaro'ngara santhekam varavaikuthu.....illai...sorry ennaku kadavul nambikkai illai....neenga eppadiyo................

2006-11-22T22:04:00.000+05:30

“Wheels within Wheels”

One of his many names Bhibatsu, “one who shrinks from doing an unworthy act”. But was it worth being one, when all around him he could see men of age, wisdom and virtue sinning unrepentantly. And they were not just in the enemy camp. He was sure by the end of the day, he would be forced to relinquish his title of Bhibatsu, for in him was burning a fire, which was slowly consuming his many virtues. He didn’t know when the fire actually started, but his son’s death was certainly when he first felt it burning, scorching his body. He did not mind his son’s death for in dying on the battlefield, he had attained the higher echelons of heaven. But the manner of the young lad’s death had hurt him. It had hurt him as a father, for he was still human. But that was a pain that time the healer would take care of. What hurt him more was the absolute disregard for rules of warfare by the enemy who murdered his son. Yes, he would call it murder. The teachers who taught him the art of archery, the Kings who fought on this field fighting to establish what they believed was justice, his own kinsmen and clansmen had killed the little fellow violating all rules of warfare. The same kings, who would punish a convict, for disobeying the law of the land had wantonly broken and violated the spirit and rules of warfare. He was sure, the war from then on would never have the word “Dharma” associated with it.

His thoughts returned to his son’s death. His son had represented all that was good in youth. The willingness to try the impossible, the eagerness to fight, come what may and that supreme virtue, confidence. The hope he had built, was not just about his son. It was the hope about the next generation. The generation which would repair the damage caused by the war. The generation which would see more of peaceful coexistence and less of war. The generation which would take the initiative, rather than be submissive and obedient. The generation which will throw away the burden of the past, wipe out the cobwebs and establish a new order. And this war was just as much for these causes as it was for the reclamation of the kingdom.

But all that had come crashing down with the fall of his son. The wretched claws of the old system had ensnarled his son right before his eyes. The enemy had the set the trap and his boy’s own uncle had sacrificed him to save his own skin. Was this the example that the older generation was setting the younger one? Silently he cursed his brothers. The cowards had led the young lad to the jaws of death.

He himself had vowed to kill the Sindhu king before sunset next day. But was the vow just a grief stricken father’s emotional response? History might say so. But in his mind he was sure that such an idea would be far from the truth. The Sindhu king was just a metaphor for the old creepers and vines which stood in the way of the young charging tigers. By vowing to kill Saindhava before sunset, he was trying to make a dent in that old decaying fortress, the guards of which stood ahead in their chariots in the form of the dreaded Chakravyuha; the fortress that had swallowed his son like a swamp sucking a charging young tiger.

All these thoughts raced through his mind as he penetrated effortlessly into the inner rings of Chakravyuha, the circular battle formation. Yesterday it was the son, today it was the father. But unlike the son, the father knew he would come out unscathed. The Sindhu king Jayadratha, was hidden well behind the main army at a distance of nearly twelve miles. He looked eastward at the reddish sun, who had just started his daily sojourn. Twelve hours to sunset and Twelve miles to go. Would it be his day? Shoving these thoughts aside with an effort, Arjuna set about his task with ruthless efficiency.

Note: I have this absolute admiration for the Mahabharatha. It,in my opinion tells us what wonderful and master story tellers our anscestors were. The Mahabharatha along with others like Jataka tales and Panchatantra are enough proofs to show how much the post-colonial Indians have fallen behind in terms of imagination, original ideas and creativity. And we can cuss the British for this...(and for many other things)

But the problem is how do we treat the Mahabharatha today. Should we just treat it as a revered epic and not probe it for hidden gems or treat is as a wonderful piece of literature, a wonderful source of thoughts and beliefs of another era, whose values are as different from ours, as Bush's is from Gandhi's. Bhairappa got a Sahitya Akademi award for his "Parva", where he humanised the Mahabharatha. Draupadi for obvious enough reasons has been the subject of many a tale. I see the Mahabharatha in an altogether different perspective. This piece is just a practise piece to test my capabilites and language in pursuing my life ambition of interpreting the Mahabhartha the way I see it. People who object to such efforts to probe and study that wonderful book on religious grounds can join Bush, Johnson, Kennedy and others in hell.

uLundhu vs muttai---one more example of Brahminical contradiction

2006-10-30T11:56:00.000+05:30

"Traditionally made during death ceremonies, but nowadays in most festivals in Tamil Nadu, a specific type of vadai called uddina vada(uLundhu Vadai) is served. This is made of Urad Dal or ulundhu, which has one of the highest protein contents among all dals (100 gms of uLundhu has 24.0 gms of protein), and is thus one of the main protein sources of the meal. Historians today believe that this food item is proof of a certain change in the habits of Brahmins which took place around 500BC. The advent of Jainism which emphasised vegetarianism, is supposed to have caused this change in food habits. The Brahmins had to compensate for the loss of proteins from meat by eating uLundhu."

My friend send me this interesting question from an IITM open quiz. My mother says that Yogis, Siddhars and Gyanis are prohibited from eating uLundhu. They eat aval and pori instead. Further she quotes Balakumaran. And to add to this my Yoga teacher asks me to not eat Vadai if I care to reduce my weight. One Vadai is equivaent to 2 eggs he claims.

Now assuming that all this is true, what on earth are the Brahmins(and other junta too) of today doing eating, Idly and Dosai (both contain a lot of uLunthu) on Viratham(Vrath)days? Devarukke telusu..

My dear Miriam

2006-10-30T11:46:00.000+05:30

I try my hand at translation now and then. So this is my version of the song Mayakkam enathu thayagam from Kunkumam. I have tried to retain the essence of the song, without trying a word by word translation. The original is by Kannadasan.

My dear lovely Miriam,
Who cares for me so well.
An unfortunate man I am,
Listen to the story I tell.

Dazed, I dwell
permanently in the state of confusion.
Choked, by sorrow,
silence is the language I speak often.
Tragedy alone,
reigns supreme in my composition.
Alas, I am
just a portrait of lamentation.

Noble though your intention be,
Stop trying to make sense of me.
My life is a riddle impossible to solve.
A Gordian Knot that God alone can resolve.
I am my own foe my dear,
The only enemy I fear.
I enact the play I have written.
But honey, I also am the curtain.

That destiny takes one,
where sagacity won’t,
is life’s prime lesson.
This I have learnt.

My feelings for you are not spurious.
But the ways of fate are mysterious.
It overtakes me fast and furious.
And blocks my path to you , my precious.

Forget me my dear Miriam.
A very unfortunate man I am.

In search of a Good name

2006-09-25T10:28:00.000+05:30

It all started with me trying to find a name for my kid. I didn’t even know why I was doing that. Hell! I am not married. And I don’t have a kid and as far as I know none in the making. Why should I be worrying about this? Makes no sense. But no, I just can’t get rid of the thought. What is my offspring to be named as? How on earth is the world going to refer to my kid? This was one question which has been plaguing my mind for a long time now. The reason of course is obvious, at least to me. It is one of the few things that I can decide in my child’s life. And if I end up having a Calvin'esque kid, the only way I am going to get back at him is by giving him an impossible name. And no, I was not thinking of something like Rushyendramani.

So what do I name my kid?

Naming of Hindu boys in Tamil Nadu is a very simple task. People don’t spend a lot of time or thought on that. The reason is of course easy to determine. Just take a look at the telephone directory. Take a Subramaniam, a Karthik, a Vijay, a Mohan, a Raghu, a Siva, an Ashwin, a Kumaran, and a Sekar. Add the necessary prefixes or suffixes like Thiru, Sai, Kumar and Ram. Multiply by a large 6 digit number and lo and behold you have got the names of more than half the Hindu male population of Tamil Nadu. At least a quarter of the remaining have names which are just minor variations of the above. I don’t want my kid to be literally lost in the midst of million Karthik’s and Subramaniam’s. So then do I go in for the modern naming convention, which is to find a name which sounds sophisticated and un-Tamilian, the emphasis being on the un-Tamilian nature of the name. The sophistication can after all be brought through proper pronounciation. So now we have names like Ashwath, Advaith, Chinmay, Ankit, Chathurbhuj, Sanjay, Deepesh, Sachin, Akaash, Akshay and Prakrit (and I thought Prakrit referred to a group of dialects!!).

I realise that I have been politically incorrect in not considering the birth of girl child. I apologise for that. So what do the modern pundits of names have to say about the nomenclature for girls. “Oh we have a plethora of names for girls”, they claim nonchalantly; Ankita, Madhumita, Prerana, Varshini, Harshini, Manasvini, Rachna, Pooja (Can someone tell me why a Hindi film heroine has to always be a Pooja. Probably that is the first name that comes to the director’s mind after he has named the hero Rahul) and that ubiquitous name Ishwarya. Whatever happened to Meenakshi, Sharada, Shenbagam, Karapagam, Gayathri, Valli, Rajeshwari, Lalitha, Lakshmi and the various varieties of Lakshmi,viz,Vidyalakshmi, Annalakshmi, Mahalakshmi, er....Jyothilakshmi?

At the other end of the spectrum are the names from the belt of Tamil lovers. So we still have names like TamilAnban, Navukkarsu, Vadivukkarasi, Saravanan, Murugan, Illanko, Malarvizhi, Thenmozhi and so on. The problem with these names lie in the incompatability of Tamil and English and the penchant of the Tamils themselves to speak their language incorrectly. Tamil as a language has too many sounds not present in English and the resulting hotch-potch is painful to anyone who knows and loves the language. So while I find all these modern Sanskritised names very artificial and foreign, the Tamil names themselves are ruled out because of their complexity. And added to this is the modern practise of mis-pronouncing Tamil. So if I were to name my kid pulimelazhagan ( which can be translated as “ the handsome man atop the tiger”….which could mean Lord Ayyapan), it is highly likely to be pronounced puLimelazhagan which would mean ahemmmm…… “the handsome man atop the tamarind”.

Then I thought I would name my kids after my heroes. In the age of no genuine heroes (excluding Captain Vijaykanth of course), one is forced to look into the past for names. The near past is sprinkled with a lot of heroes who transcended religions and nations. But the problem with naming my kid a Gandhi, a Marx, a Napolean or a Mandela was that these are too heavy a weight to carry. What if the kid does not live up to the name?

So I looked further back in history; into the era of the Mahabharatha. Arjuna was of course my hero, but then the name was again too common for my liking. Bhima would be more often than not a too ambitious name for obvious reasons. The rest were no heroes.

As I scanned through the other characters, one name struck me as the correct choice. A funny choice though. The man responsible for making a superb story out of a family feud. One man whose standard my kid would not have to live upto.

"Duryodhana".

The only problem I can foresee with that name is, the shock the friendly Indian neighbour would receive when he would ask, “What is your good name please?”

September 11

2006-09-11T11:44:00.000+05:30

Writing of Vande Matharam, today happens to be the death anniversary of the man who in addition to writing a Vande Matharam song, defied death as no other.

"kaala unnai siru pulenna mathikiren
en kaalaruge vaada satre unnai mithikiren"

Vande Matharam

2006-09-11T11:36:00.000+05:30

With Vande Matharam making news for all sorts of reasons these days, I thought I should highlight a lesser know Vande Matharam song from Siraichalai penned by Arivumathi and set to music by Raaja. In Raaja's era when one comes across good lyrics, one immediately tends to think of Vairamuthu or Vaali. But this song probably proves that given the right situation there are others too who can do an equally good job. But thanks to Tamil cinema's theevira "Kadhal" with "Kadhal" in the 80's and 90's we generally got pedestrian and unimaginative songs from most lyirc writers(with exceptions ofcourse). Thank "whatever is up there", that we atleast had the "Young King" to do magic even when given the most uninspiring of situations.

idhu thai pirandha desam
nam thandhai aaNda desam
idhu naam vaNangum desam
uyir naadi indha desam
maN peridhaa uyir peridhaa
badhil tharavaa ippothe
vaa puliye nam vazhvum saavum yaar vasam
vande maatharam.. vande maatharam..
vande maatharam.. vande maatharam..

veerathai gundugal thulaikkaathu
veeranai sarithiram puthaikkaathu
nattai ninaikkum nenjangaL
vadagai moochil vazhaadhu
izhandha uyirgaLo kaNakkillai
irumi savadhil sirappillai
innum ennada viLaiyaattu
edhiri narambile kodiyetru
nilathadiyil pudhaindhirukkum
piNagaLukkum manam thudikkum
vande maatharam.. vande maatharam..
vande maatharam.. vande maatharam..

thayo paththe maasamthaan
adhigam sumandhadhu desamthaan
udalum uyirum yaar thandar
uNarnthu paarthal desamthaan
indha puzhudithaan udalaachchu
indha katruthaan uyirmuchchu
indru irandume paripochu
innum ennada verumpechu
kaivilangai udaithuidadaa
erimalaiye vedithuidadaa..
vande maatharam.. vande maatharam..
vande maatharam.. vande maatharam..

Fanaa and Raja

2006-09-05T14:04:00.000+05:30

As I sit in my lab I can hear "Chand Sifarish Jo Karta Hamari", from Fanaa, which someone's playing somewhere down the corridor and I soon find myself singing it. I first came across this beautiful song in the closed confines of a crowded car in Bangalore. Believe it or not, that was the first full "modern" Hindi song I was hearing since Machis. I ofcourse have a huge liking for the good old Hindi songs of Rafi, Kishore, Mukesh and others but as my profile would tell you, I don't dwell much in this age....

Coming back to this song I somehow took an instant liking for this Fanaa number. It reminds me of Raja's innumerable classics. Maybe not the actual tune but the surely feel of the song. Probably the resemblence is not a surprise since Fanaa is by Jatin-Lalit. Unlike Anu Malik, the duo have been more honest about the influence of Raja on their music. Maybe someone can tell me actually which song(if any) has influenced this.

The GODS of IIT Madras

2006-08-10T12:44:00.000+05:30

Note1: Please refer to the note below for the meanings of words in italics.

Every one at IIT is a GOD. Atleast every one in MSc Physics 2002-2004 batch at IIT Madras is a GOD. Well there were GODESSESS too in the batch, but because I was singularly incapable of interacting with the girls of my batch without irking them, I never had the pleasure of knowing the details about their divinity. And they for their part, demanded to know what quirky facet of nature could have produced an absolute $@#!%&##$!% like me. They are still awaiting the answer.The GODS on the other hand were more tolerant of me, so much so that they allowed me to join their exalted brotherhood. So it with pleasure that I recall some of the big GODS of my batch.

Viveka is a socialist. He sees GOD everywhere and in everyone. And what more,he is also a true reformer in word, thought and action. Recognizing the ability to be a GOD hiding in us, he pledged to himself that he would make GODS out of each one of us. One thing going for the determined reformer who has set his heart in making divinity out of the lesser mortals is the fact that except for a few staunch athiests,everyone else loves to be proclaimed GOD. But modesty and fear of ridicule, prevents the common man from proclaiming himself GOD. Realising that fear and modesty were the hurdles in front of the noble men of his class, Viveka played what could only be described as a Bradmaneseque stroke. He started calling us GODS in public. The junta initially ridiculed him. But Viveka insisted on referring everyone as some GOD or the other. What is wrong in calling a dog a dog or vice-versa for that matter, he would ask.Impeccable logic we had to admit. Being truly rational creatures, we had no other course but to accept the nomenclature. So soon we had a Cash GOD, a Crib GOD ,a Footer GOD(that there was only one Footer GOD in our class tells a lot about our class), a Mokkai GOD, a PJ(poor joke) GOD, a Kadalai GOD, a Tremendous Mathematical Ability GOD, a Bulb GOD, a Fart GOD, a Cup GOD and so on. And as if to emphasise the ephemeral and transient nature of reality, most of these titles changed heads often. The Cup GOD of this sememster could become the Cash GOD of the next, while a Kadalai GOD who had a gala time during Saarang, might find himself demoted to the company of some PJ GOD during Shaastra in the process losing the claim to the tile of Kadalai GOD. But some guys had a knack of holding on to their title fast. Viveka for example. While the Eluguntala Vadu gave Viveka the ability to see GOD in all of us, he probably forgot to load him with his full quota of grey cells. So it happened that epithet of Bulb GOD was claimed by and granted to Viveka for eternity.

It is generally acknowledged that the Tamils are one of the best, if not the best, in the business of cracking a PJ. The best PJ'er in our class was Sana. Whether Sana was one of the pioneer PJ'ers responsible for spreading the disease or whether he was himself a unsuspecting victim, is something which his biographers would no doubt discuss in detail when they publish the story of his life. But for our purposes we will not venture into the reasons behind Sana being a consummate PJ'er. We will, just as the rest of IIT did, accept him as a PJ GOD. Originality rather than perfection is the hallmark of a genius. The genius that Sana is, he soon invented a new brand of PJ's, with its own specific name and mathematical representations. A complex number in maths is represented as x+i*y. That is, a complex number consists of a real part (x) and a imaginary part (y). The imaginary part being specified by the letter "i". So logic demands that P+i*J is a combination of a real Poor part and an imaginary Joke part. These jokes are so devoid of humour that the joke part is imaginary. What remains is just the poor part. It goes without saying that inventor of this extremely mathematical representation of a joke himself was a master P+iJ"er. The effect of his
incessant PJ'ing was that the girls of my class could not decide conclusively as to who was more repugnant,me or him. He then carried his good form into Infosys at Hyderabad. Believable news sources say that the person whom the Telugu actor
Balakrishna actually wanted to shoot was not his producer, but Sana who happened to be cracking PJ's outside Balayya's gate at Banjara Hills.A big pity that the producer got shot instead. Last heard Sana was busy at Mahindra City Chennai, trying to maintain a humorous atmosphere in the Infy campus. I sincerely hope that he has a body to maintain at the end of his endeavours. (I can hear Sana cracking, "Naan body'ellam use panrathu illai,only Baniyan thaan").

Laugh and the world will laugh with you, cry and you will cry alone and giggle and you will defintely have Vanni for company.Vanni is a lot to look at with an extremely photogenic face, a thick moustache and a large rotund belly. A good spirited man, I have just once seen him get angry. Usually it is the giggle that he wears. Extremely infectious, his giggle has a host of utilities, other than its basic funtion of expressing mirth. It is extremely useful in hiding the fact when he is not following what you are saying. He giggles when he has said something idiotic or shocking. He giggles when he has nothing to say. To cut it short he was the giggling geisha...no that's not the word I was looking for.....yes got it, the giggling ganesha of the class.

Murthy was one ultimate GOD of anything that was not connected with academics. So when the rest of the junta are busy mugging for the quizzes, Murthy would be attending public lectures on ways to solve water shortage in Ichalkaranji district of Maharashtra. And after returning he would discuss the seminar with a group which is bound to include me;often, only me. If you get the impression he was a dunce in studies, perish the thought straight away. He was pretty good in subjects which interested him. Only problem was that these subjects were generally not a part of the syllabus.

Then we had the Mokkai GOD in Sai who would insist on discussing with you the "stochastic properties of schwarschild metric applied to a three dimensional square well potential" perfectly unmindful of the fact that such things did not exist and even if they did he would not know what they were and you were more interested in knowing how the "Schwarschild Metric" female looked like. But such trifles never stopped Sai from conducting animated discussions many of which had only Sana and me as his audience or rather 'adience'( we got adi's if we tried to escape). We also had to ocassionaly put up with his extremely useless seminars on what he called Karate and what I felt was 'karatha-aatara-eh'. I sometimes wonder whether Sana is what he is because of increased exposure to Sai. But Sai was not all Mokkai. A guy with an inimitable sense of humour and an extraordinary ability to rhyme and pun effortlessly, he was one of the prime characters of our class. Last heard he was busy trying to prove that he had a lot of character to a couple of Czheckoslovakian females in USA. My sympathies as expected lie with the poor women.

Finally it was generally accepted that the post of CRIB GOD could have only one worthy occupier in your's truly. The general opinion during my stint at IIT was that if there was something in IIT and the world about which I didn't profess a dissatisfaction, such a thing would be a mere product of whimsical imagination, not worthy of being a physical reality. So to me, the Sambar at the Mega mess was a mere Rasam in disguise, the dinner at Godav mess was worse than what they served at Vellore and Palayankottai district prisons, the rules in IIT which were based on the assumption that student vehicles caused more pollution than faculty vehicles are just about as stupid as America's notion of freedom and peace, that Titanic and Devdas are stupid romance movies not to be seen by sensible guys, as a director Mani Ratnam is probably the most hyped in the country, that Navjot Sidhu's commentary is often more pathetic than the Indian batsmen's technique against the bouncing ball, that the professor feedback at the end of each semester was such a farce that one could expect better results giving a complaint about the state of the roads in one's area to the local Councillor and so on. With so much to crib about in life, it can come as no surprise that I finished my the first year with an "extremely" average performance in academics. I then firmly stuck on to the mantle of Cup GOD during the second year. Not satisfied with a Cup in an elective which the department graciously gave me when I asked for it, I single handedly lost a tight final at the intra hostel cricket tournament thereby putting to rest any doubts in the mind of doubting junta.The Cup GOD had undoubtedly arrived. Viveka, the baptist was in action again and I was christened "CG", the official Cup GOD and Crib GOD of my class. More than two years after finsihing my stint at IIT, I still retain the title of CG in our gang. I am these days the Cray GOD, or so I choose to believe, what with being the only one working on the Cray machines in my institute. Though I have had more than my share of godliness, there is that one prize which still eludes me without which one can't claim to be a complete CG, the post of Cassanova GOD. I have been prize failure on that front. Will I ever be a complete CG, or as Viveka will no doubt say, a CCG? Only time will answer that question.

Note2: The names in the essay have been changed since nobody bothered to ask me to change it.

Note3: Meanings of words in italics.
1.Kadalai---The process of flirting, generally harmless to both parties.
2.Mokkai--- As a noun means a big bore. Can also be used to refer to the process of boring someone to death.
3.Footer---Football
4.Eluguntala Vadu--The Lord of seven hills
5.Bulb----As a noun a person who generally flounders on most things simple or complex.It is also used as a verb, like in "Sridhar bulbed majorly when trying to explain the meaning of Bulb".
6.Cup--- The U grade one gets on failing in an exam resembles a CUP. Generally used for all forms of failure. A Chennaite proficient in Tamil might also use 'pootukichu','oothikichu','psssssssss', etc.
7.Cash GOD---The opposite of a Cup GOD. Can't explain more, for that territory is foreign to me.
8a.Shaastra---The technical festival at IIT Madras.
8b.Saarang----The cultural festival at IIT Madras.
Together they formed the only times in the life of an average IIT'ian when he/she has a fairly decent probablity of putting Kadalai.

Chaplin speaks......

2006-07-04T12:44:00.000+05:30

"Friends have asked how I came to engender this American antagonism. My prodigious sin was, and still is, being a non-conformist. Although I am not a Communist, I refused to fall in line by hating them. Secondly, I was opposed to the Committee on Un-American Activities - a dishonest phrase to begin with, elastic enough to wrap around the throat and strangle the voice of any American citizen whose honest opinion is a minority of one.”

The song of a convict

2006-07-04T08:57:00.000+05:30

The scene is inside a prison and there is a cultural show going on and there is a song and dance show by one particular prisoner. This guy is on a death sentence. He should recollect and relive the events of his life, his first love, the death of his father mutilated and killed in a caste skirmish and other events of his life. Though he is afraid of death, he tries to put on a brave face. The song should start on a brave note and then move into pathos with the guy ending up crying about his fate in the process, showcasing his attachment to his "paRai". paRai('pa' pronounced as in Param and 'ai' pronounced as 'I') is one of the many percussion instruments indigenous to Tamil Nadu. It is generally played by a certain section of people who have for ages been illtreated. The paRai in this context represents a lof of things. Most importantly it represents something essentially Tamil, something which is a symbol of the freedom and uniqueness of the Tamil.

If the director had told me this situation and had there been even one of the Grimm brothers around, we would have got a story called "Blinking Beauty". But the director being smarter gave it to Vairamuthu and we got a Black Beauty in "Putham Puthu Pattuedutha Thandavakone". The song starts with the quintessential and beautiful Indian way of saluting everyone right from the audience, to the traditions, to the hovering moon and most importantly to the dead beast whose skin was used in making the paRai. Vairamuthu dazzles throughout the song. Any thing might remind us of the past. The character here being a paRai player sees his past through the window of songs.
"pattu ennum jannal vazhi thandavakone,
en pazhaya kaalam theriyuthada thandavakone"
So simple but yet so profound.

Such songs can turn out to be brilliant or plain dud depending on who the singer is. Generally for such songs the directors straight away ask for SPB. This song is however sung by Pushapavanam Kuppusamy. And rightly so. Kupps brings the necessary rustic feel to this song. And Kupps also comfortably scales the upper octaves. This is probably his best number in Tamil.

Now here comes the important issue... I read somewhere that Vidhyasagar first suggested that this song be sung by (hold your breath) Udit Narayan and Thankar Bachan(the director) seems to have even considered it for sometime. But when Udit Narayan could not get the pronounciation right(what is new about that?) they asked Kupps to do it. If this news is true, this is something similar to asking Loose Mohan to first act as VeeraPandiya Kaatabomman and then after realising that he is too thin for the role asking Sivaji to do it.

"Irruko illayo theriayathu, oruvela iruntha" Aandava, save Tamil from Udit Narayan and the rest of the world from America.

Best Raaja Song IM(Not so)HO

2006-07-03T10:35:00.000+05:30

Finally, after years of exasperation and indecision I found out my favourite Raja song. And not surprisingly, it is not a very popular song among the masses. But critics have always spoken high of this song. The song being Illanjolai Poothatha Enna Jaalam from Sivakumar, Nathiya starrer Unaakaga Vaazhikeren.
To quote this guy Lakshminarayanan Srirangam Ramakrishanan:
"illam cholai is one of the mile-stones in his career. I would say that it is one of his top bests. It has been sung by S.P.B. He starts lke Ma2 Pa Sa (illam cholai) Sa Ri2 Sa Ni3(poothadhaa). He prolongs the kaakali nishadham and beautifully gives a gamakam and then travels down to panchamam. Initially he uses tabla for accompaniment and then in the charanam there is wonderful mridhangam, the usage of which is very typical of him."

Now if you find the references to Nishadam and the Panchamam, Greek and Latin, you have company. But then I can appreciate the beauty of the mridangam joining the tabla after a few lines. And so can I appreciate the absolutely stunning aalap by SPB in the beginning.

So why is ths my favourite song? I never believed that a song can actually uplift a person's mood. This song proved me wrong. It is really an experience to listen to this song. Wonderful music, beautiful lines(who was the lyricist?) and brilliant emotional rendering;the song takes me to a different world each time. I am remain awestruck at the beauty of this song. Somehow given my liking for Indian music, it seems fitting that a good Dharmavati with heavy usage of the Tabla, a quintessential Hindustani instrument be my favourite song.

I will stop here. After all the eulogising, I feel like listening to the song again.

Don't say sorry

2006-07-03T09:48:00.000+05:30

I had gone to have my lunch at a fast food joint parking my vehicle outside. When I come back I see a guy sitting on my vehicle having his coffee. He mumbles a sorry and gets up when I go near my vehicle. I ignore the incident. A couple of days later I had gone to same fast food joint at about the same time and when I come out I see the same guy sitting on my vehicle. Now this was sheer coincidence that he happened to sit on my vehicle again. He obvioulsy dd not recognise me, but I did recognise him. But what put me off was that the guy again mumbled sorry and got up. I was really fuming now. I didn't buy that sorry. This guy didn't obviously know what "Sorry" was. He was not sorry that he was sitting on my vehicle without my permission. He was sorry that I saw him sitting on my vehicle. So the "sorry" was used merely as a formality. He didn't mean it.If he had meant it he wouldn't have done it again. I would have actually preferred if he had just got up without saying a sorry and acting as if was within his rights. Rude it may seem, but it is actually better than being hypocritical and insincerely apologetic.

This incident happened a few years back. After that I started noticing many more such incidents. Then I realised that most people don't know what sorry really means.
They don't use sorry to apologise for something they did, the effect of which they had not expected to affect others or affect them in a manner they had not predicted.
Neither do people use sorry to apologise for doing something which they would not have done had they had the benefit of hindsight. People say sorry to diffuse serious or dangerous situations. People use sorry, not because they are sorry that they offended you, but because you caught them offending you. If you had not caught them, then they would not be sorry.

PS: Itheya thaan enga Captain, Ramana'la sonnaru.

An absolute shame

2006-07-03T09:33:00.000+05:30

If I were Brian Lara, I will corner the Jamaican curator and give him a piece of my mind. Darren Ganga gets one which pitches two feet outside off and hits him in front.Even an Indian dustbowl like the ones Ahemedabad and Delhi produce regularly would not do that on the second day. I really don't understand the mindset of these curators. None of the pitches the tests were played on, suited the Windies. Had there been even a slight hint of green, we would have seen the a different result. If Windies have to start on the winning ways they should produce faster pitches wwith more even bounce which encourages the likes of Taylor, Lawson and Edwards. That should do their batting too a lot of good. Lara has been more than vocal about the pitches and the team he gets. Will anything change next time? Only time will tell.

Will Kamal films remain the same again?

2006-06-29T13:55:00.000+05:30

The passing away of Vikram Dharma is a big loss to the Tamil film industry. The loss would be felt more severely by Kamal Hassan and his fans. I remember Kamal once saying that guys like Vikram Dharma are so good at what they do that, once you give a job to them you can be rest assured that what you get would be of very high quality indeed. High praise indeed from a hard task master. I would call Dharma's handling of the climax of Virumandi as his best effort ever. The fights in Mahanadi(the jail fight sequence) had that brutal touch of realism, that I still wince when I see Tulukanam puncturing Kamal's scrotch. However the stunt scenes in his other movies were normal, nothing extraordinary, which yet again emphasises the point that however good a cine artist maybe it is the director who brings the best out of them.

Even as I condole the passing away of this integral part of Kamal's team, I am left wondering whether Kamal's action movies will remain the same again?

Zen and the Art of Sleeping

2006-06-26T10:48:00.000+05:30

I sent this piece to The Hindu in hope of getting it published and thereby making it big in the literary world. But strangely, THE HINDU took the opposite view about my abilities and decided that it could do better service to the literary world by ignoring this piece and therby the author. With a philosphical shake of head, I decided to put this on my blog. May be one day the Hindu would realise that it had allowed a 24 carat gold to slip through its fingers.Hmmm.....Read it and if you can, enjoy.......BTW this piece is dedicated to Naren,my class mate at IIT, the man who could sleep even while eating.

“You What?”, I screamed.

“I teach people the art of the sleeping”, Naren replied.

I could not get myself to believe this crap. “Naren. Are you telling me that you teach people how to sleep?”

He nodded.

“Can’t they sleep for themselves?”

He shook his head.

“And you make money out of it?” I asked.

“Pots full”

I felt I was in Disneyland. Here was Naren, my college mate whom I had not met for a couple of years now, telling me he earns his pay packet teaching others to fall asleep. And we all thought he was pursuing his research career at TIFR.

“Yes. I am still pursuing science. But you know…that does not pay a lot. Science is my intellectual passion but I also have a girl friend to entertain these days.”

That was news to me.

“Great going, boss.” I congratulated him. We walked into a nearby restaurant.

“But tell me Naren, how did this thing start?”

“You do know that I can fall asleep anytime, anyplace. So I thought I could make money out of this strength of mine.”

“Make money out of your weakness, you mean”.

“You could say that. “, he replied grinning.

To make a living (pretty luxurious one at that) out of one’s weakness is probably the greatest gift the creator could probably bestow upon one. Naren was bloody lucky.

Years rolled back. Naren had easily established his reputation as the incomparable sleeper in college. He slept when in class, he slept when in hostel, he slept in the lab, he slept in the bathroom and of course in that most private den of all loners, the… ahem…rest room.

People yawn when bored. Yawning is the first sign that the brain is tired and needs rest. Naren did away with all that meaningless symbolism. He straight away drifted into sleep. The strategy he adopted for sleeping without getting caught in the class room is probably worth a scientific study. Where one to list the steps, it would be something like this.

1) Seat yourself behind reasonably tall guys. Girls, however tall won’t do, because they are always bending down taking notes. Most guys don’t bother indulging in this meaningless activity.

2) Don’t take the back benches. Teachers are always watching the back benchers. The middle of the class is probably the best place to be seated if you want to sleep.

3) Position yourself as if you are taking down notes. The head needs to be at the correct angle to the desk. If you bend the head too much, the teacher gets suspicious.

4) And the most important point to be noted. Don’t nod your head while sleeping. Even a kindergarten kid knows that the nodding father is not listening to its banter.

With so much strategy and planning going into his snooze, it can come as no surprise that he was the most successful sleeper in the class. He was the role model and a source of inspiration for all those unlucky comrades who were often caught napping in the class room. Though he did not publish a “How to stop listening and start sleeping” to enlighten the rest of the world, he was kind enough to give us beleaguered junta a few vital hints towards successful sleeping in the class.

But for a long time I had my doubts about his capabilities. It is all fine sleeping when the teacher drones on. It probably acts as a lullaby, sedating and gently lulling one into sleep. But what when the environment is not as cozy and silent as in a restroom or a classroom? Will our hero be able to catch his forty winks then? I never voiced my doubts, but they persisted in my mind. But I realised that I had wronged the genius by doubting his ability, when he slept undisturbed sitting in the first row at Sathyam theatre. We had gone to watch that extremely noisy movie “Lord of the Rings”. He once again proved his calibre when he slept undisturbed while we were watching “Virumandi”, another noisy movie, on the second day of its release, along side a lot of vociferous Kamal fans who were having a gala time screaming and shouting at the top of their voices.

The crashing of a glass at the next table brought me back to the present. No wonder that Naren choose to indulge in something which is child’s play to him. I looked at him sitting across the table at the restaurant. The guy was obviously rolling in the stuff. He had all signs of prosperity including the pot belly.

“So how do you teach? Do you teach at your place or teach at some Yoga class”, I asked.

“No…You seem to have got the wrong picture. I don’t do it in a small scale. I basically deal with guys in the corporate world and all the school going kids. They are the ones who have forgotten how to sleep. They are the ones who need to be taught to sleep. I go to the offices and schools with my full retinue of disciples and give live demonstrations on happy sleeping”, replied Naren.

“Disciples…?” My eyes popped out. “Do you go about under some assumed name. Some Sleepananda or Snoozeananda.”, I cried.

“Hey! Don’t be gross. My disciples call me ‘Maharishi NithyaNidreshawara’”.

“Maharishi nizznzwzz…?”

“NityaNidreshwara. Nitya means daily and Nidra means sleep. I am the One who is giving them their daily quota of sleep”

I was flabbergasted. My eyes by then had got used to their popped out position and my mouth had long since refused to close.

“In an age where sleep is at best considered a luxury and at worst a waste of time, one has to really teach people the value of a good sleep. Sleep is the first thing to be cut when we are forced to find extra time. But do we realise that we can never hope to be more efficient by cutting down on our sleep? This has been my personal experience and I take it across to the millions in this land which is fast taking over the mantle of the ‘Country That Never Sleeps’”, Naren lectured.

“Hope you don’t charge me for this lecture”, I quipped.

“I have a series of lecture demonstrations in Chennai this week. So do attend. I will send you the invitation”, he offered.

“What is the name of this lecture series?”, I asked.

“Zen and the Art of Sleeping.” he replied

“Fine.I will surely come. But….”, I dragged

“Yes?”

“Why Zen?” I enquired as he got into his car.

“Because anything Zen seems to sell, be it car or sleep”, he smiled and drove away, leaving me dazed and direly in need of sleep.

A serious post for once....ok this is what I call serious

2006-06-15T09:32:00.000+05:30

An interesting thought disguised as a joke.....(not mine ofcourse)

A rat runs through a maze clutching a chesse piece and shouts to it mate,
"Mark..you know what, I have Dr Zimbostsky trained. He gives me a cheese piece whenever I go through the maze."

Reminds me of a story in Viktan. A group goes to Ooty on a fun trip. Two people seperate from the main group and after sometime they are unable to locate the group. The guys in the group go over to the nearby police station and inform that two folks are missing from their party.At the same time elsewhere, the two guys go to a different station and write a complaint saying that their whole group is lost somewhere. So would you call the two guys crazy. I wouldn't.

A Lara gem atlast

2006-06-15T08:51:00.000+05:30

Atlast we got to see Lara magic, albiet of different sort, against India. It has always surprised me and many others too, that the man who mastered Murali,the guy who has often send the Aussies on a leather hunt, was never very successful against India of all teams. It was not that he struggled against them. I think he feels Indians are easy to score against(except probably Kumble). Many a time he has got out to loose shots, trying too early in the innings to dictate terms like the first innings dismissal at Antigua.

Yesterday's innings was a different sort of gem, once again emphasising the fact that Lara can do anything he wants when he sets his mind to the task. 120 from more than 300 balls is the sort of innings one would expect of lesser mortals. But on a final day track with draw the only option he produced what could arguably be one of his best innings taken in the context of the match. This draw I believe would go a long way in determining the series. If the weather holds for the next two test matches, and if St Kitts and Sabina Park produce faster and greener pitches than what we have seen so far in the series, then I think the Indians would be in for a bit of a surprise.

A bearded addendum

2006-06-06T12:29:00.000+05:30

Looking at my bearded reflection in the mirror, I felt a sudden 'grandchild'ly feeling towards one ancient member of the bearded brethren. One "Mylapore man, sitting near Sanskrit College".... .

The oldest known genius from the land(Tamil Nadu) which has produced many, today he is largely ignored. The english speaking Tamil kids of today probably know more about Hammurabi's Code than Mr Valluvar's 1330 kurals.

PS:Valluvar's beard has always amazed me. A marvellous specimen that.

'Musings Of A Bearded Buddha'

2006-05-31T13:38:00.000+05:30

Buddha in Sanskrit means an enlightened soul.

I knew something was wrong when my father gave me more than his usual disinterested glance, when i returned from Hyderabad. My mother seemed concerned about my health. My sister thought I was uglier than was humanly possible. My father loudly pondered on my civic sense, or the lack of it, rather. That evening I met my college friends after a couple of years and the first question asked was "Why have you changed so much.? What's the matter"? The good natured of the lot promised even me help of any kind.

So what was so different in me that was causing questions to be raised in the parliament? The truth of the matter was, I was growing a thick tuft of the cylindrical, keratinised, often pigmented filaments characteristically growing from the epidermis of a mammal, which if it happens to be growing on the face is often referred to as a beard. And it was this beard that was the source of all the concern and anguish in the family and my close circles.

So the question that immediately occurred to my logical mind was "Why was a beard a problem and why did it raise such extreme reactions from my dear ones."? And this led me to do some detailed research and though the results have been not very conclusive I will go ahead and place my work in the public domain. This work is a part of my on-going effort to sensitise people about that most wonderful of nature's gift to the male, the beard and in the process empower my fellow bearded souls.

The British implanted a lot of stupidities in our society in their 200 years of rule. One of them is the habit of shaving daily. Women who do not visit a beauty parlour may not have an idea, but there can be nothing more stupid than sitting in a barber's shop and allow him to do his stuff on your face. If you want to catch a man at his stupidest, visit him while he is at the barber's having a shave. The most important freedom that the modern Indian male enjoys is his freedom to have a self shave. This was a freedom denied to his ancestors. Now the Indian male is at least allowed to look ridiculous only in the closed confines of his bathroom.

The actual act of the shaving aside, one gets to the more important "need for the shave" question. Since this is a question of importance to any unbiased young man, it automatically leads to what women feel about it. Once upon a time (when i was still not a 'Bearded Buddha'), I decided to grow a beard for the heck of it. Two days on my girlfriend said my stubble looked cute. Seven days into it she asked me to remove it. By the tenth day, she had stopped talking. Three weeks on, I was on the lookout for another girlfriend. The beard turned out to be a super efficient catalyst in the girlfriend ejection dynamics. Even though beard gives men an opportunity to lose nagging wives and girlfriends who are keen to reform and make good souls of them, men being men would not fall for this ruse.

Now however obvious, the importance of a beard is to enlightened folks like me, one still sees the need for stating the positive points about beards for the benefit of the ignorant junta. One point that is way too obvious is that, one does not have to get up early in the morning to have a quick round of shaving. Everyone, except mothers who are housewives, knows the importance of that extra 10 minutes sleep in the morning. That is the time when one really enjoys the sleep. The act of not shaving regularly gives the man that time when he can not only sleep but enjoy it too. This is a pleasure denied to all those who insist on shaving regularly. Further, by adding 10 more minutes to your sleep, you actually adds an hour to the working day. If you don't trust me try reading what the self-help gurus and motivational monks have to say.

Coming to the other benefits of the beard, a good beard automatically creates respect. A thick beard almost always bestows on the owner, a look of importance. Even the more rational of the observers would be led to believe that the bearded man wearing a blue shirt whom she saw at the market was an world renown psychiatrist, requested by the UNO to help the tsunami victims. Such is the aura that a good beard grants its carrier. And in case you just have a faded looking thin impostor of a beard, do not worry. Such beards generate sympathy for their master, which is good especially if the master is a hypochondriac. People invariably will sympathise with such people. "Poor fellow probably has some serious ailment”. That is why all the heartbroken Devdas's of the world have beards. They are desperately looking out for sympathy.

History has time and again proved that the intelligentsia, the great men, the men who matter most, all have beards. Marx had a huge beard and so did Tagore. So did Galileo and Abdus Salam. Lenin, Che Guvera, Ho Chi Minh, Sivaji, Guru Nanak, Leanardo Da Vinci, Viv Richards, Bishen Singh Bedi.....the list is endless. Can one imagine Jesus Christ or Prophet Mohammed or Valmiki or the million other Rishis without a beard? Even normally clean shaven men become more majestic and dignified when they sport a beard. Look no further than Kamal Hassan. He sported a beard for 'Nammavar'. Wow, didn't he look macho and dignified.

But even with so many positive points to speak for the beard, the poor thing has not got many supporters. The popularity of the beard has been declining with time. Society on the whole and women specifically have brainwashed most men into believing that the beard is an unwanted relic from the Neanderthal past. Some men I know even believe that the social hierarchy has to be based on the frequency of your shave.

So the question that is poised in front of the champions of the bearded brethren is, how to stop such fascists from taking over the planet. Reality is that they have already taken over most of it. But then the battle is never lost till the last soldier falls. All the remaining bearded folks of the world unite. Awake, arise and rest not till the beard retains its rightful position as the symbol of masculinity. Amen.

Attaboy Kamal

2006-05-21T11:56:00.000+05:30

"Amazing...just amazing"....these was the first words that left my mouth when I finished reading Kamal's shortstory in Vikatan. "aNaya neruppu" is as good as it can get. I have always been a bit sceptical about Kamal's Tamil. He never seems to keep it simple. But his earlier column in Vikatan "Love Pannuda Mavune" seemed to prove me wrong. This one definitely mad me eat my doubts.

I actually felt very bad that I had not thought of this link between the mythologies. I fancy myself as an expert in the Indian Mythology. But this time I had to bow to the Big K. What is really interesting is Kamal's interest in Indian Mythology and religion, inspite of his claims to be an atheist( I personally think he is currently an agnostic and not an atheist.). Illayaraja claims that Kamal can quote easily from Divya Prabandham( a sacred work of the Vaishnavites). And what is really surprising is some of the best spiritual and religious songs in Tamil cinema have come in Kamal's movies.
Maasura Ponne Varuga( Thevar Magan), Sriranga ranagnathanin Patham( Mahanadi), Paartha Vizhi Paartha Padi(Guna), Anda Kandamani Osai Ketturuchu(Virumandi), Isiayil Thodanguthamma (Hey Ram) and the all time favourite Yaar Yaar Sivam (Anbe Sivam).
My only wish is Kamal be as original in movies as he is in his short stories.

Attaboy Kamal!!!!

SOUP your way to unhealth

2006-05-03T18:19:00.000+05:30

Dedicated to Corey Ford whose "My Physical Unfitness Excercise" inspired me to write this piece. Corey Ford wrote this article in Reader's Digest way back in the 1980's.

This morning I met Mr Malhotra at the park. He claimed that his day started with an hour of jogging. “Sridhar, jogging is the best thing for the body. If you want to have a healthy and fit body, better jog daily. All these lazybones come to the park everyday to just walk. Of what use is walking? Do you know that simply by jogging an hour everyday, you could……………..” and what followed was a lecture demonstration of how jogging keeps one’s joints, muscles, tissues, ligaments, knee caps, cells, mitochondria, nuclei and other junk in the body active, fit and healthy.( And I all along had been thinking that the human body was made up of just bones and muscles.)
So what is my problem if the old man gave a few useful tips, the irritated reader might ask. Four months back, Mr Malhotra had claimed the same thing about walking. Back then he claimed vociferously that if one walks an hour everyday, one could keep the doctor away. If only time travel was possible, I would gladly take the irate reader back in time to various points in the past where Mr Malhotra had claimed the same things about running, cycling, skipping, sack race, frog race and other lower forms of physical exertion generally prescribed for kindergarten kids. But before I could raise that point, I realised to my chagrin, that the topic of conversation had turned to my belly or to be more specific my pot belly.

My pot belly is not very huge and is generally nondescript. Had I entered a competition for pot bellies I am sure I would not have won a prize. But still it was a nice little belly and I was proud of it. Mr Malhotra gave my protruding ‘lipose luggage’ a stern and disapproving glance and said “Sridhar my boy, what are you doing about that thing of yours?” I was offended. Here I was feeling nice about my belly and the old man I was trying to humour, goes on to deride my prized possession as just “this thing”. But for decency’s sake I kept quiet. Unfortunately my decency only acted as a stimulant and Mr Malhotra rambled on incessantly for a couple of hours. But even at the risk of losing the irritated reader who has by now placed her complete loyalty on Mr Malhotra’s side, I will not divulge the details of the “Malhotra Monologues”.

But rest assured dear reader, that the Monologue was more about how the girls of yesteryears (however fashion non-conscious or should I say fashion unconscious) were more careful about their weight and figure as compared to the girls of this age who though extremely fashion conscious, are not necessarily careful about their weight. The various weight reducing exercises were only touched upon in passing.

But I have rambled on for too long without justifying the title. As the intelligent reader would have guessed by now, I belong to the anti fitness wing. What is the issue all about, I ask? Why are we making a big fuss over a few extra inches in the waist line? Life is to be enjoyed. And one can’t possibly enjoy it by worrying constantly about the waist line or by huffing and puffing away at the gymkhana. Wouldn’t that after all, be a case of all sweat, no gain (pun unintended). So to all those who are cynical and skeptical about the fitness fad that seems to be going around, I dedicate this 4-step method to physical unfitness.

1. Get a pack of your favourite brand of potato chips and keep munching.
2. Get hold of that wonderful invention of man, the hammock. If not atleast get hold of an easy-chair.
3. Make yourself comfortable inside the hammock and pull a hat over your face after you finish the pack of chips.
4. And snooze your way to bliss.

For the larger good of humanity, I have not patented this method. But I trust all will refer to this as the Sridhar’s Original Unfitness Program or in short SOUP.

Three To A Tango

2006-04-26T13:58:00.000+05:30

The three men sat in their chairs almost forming a triangle. The younger men sat close facing each other while the older white haired man sat a bit further away. He was glancing through a thick file. Of the other two, the taller man was smoking incessantly. He looked at the man across him, who would have been a real macho man had he been a few inches taller. As usual he had turned up in stylish clothes. The tall man looked at his clothing. He had a pretty austere dressing sense. But he liked it that way.

The shorter man was busy immersed in his laptop. Or was he? To all outward appearances he was busy working on his computer. But his thoughts were elsewhere.
He was going to work again with the taller man across him. It was a long time since they worked together. Their working styles were very different, but somehow they had hit along well. But after a point it had become monotonous. And they parted as friends. Over the years each had developed and mastered his own style of working. Now working together again meant that both would have to adjust a lot. Somehow he was not very sure whether this would work. But he could not say no to the old man who sat a bit further away reading. He owed a lot to him.

The tall man lit another cigarette. He stared aimlessly into space, occasionally nodding his head to acknowledge people he knew. He had not revealed it to anyone, but he felt very apprehensive about the project. It was not that working with the shorter man was beyond him, but he somehow felt that it would not work this time.
But again, he knew the old man sitting a bit further away was capable of all sorts of magic. If not for him, he might not have......... The ringing of his phone interrupted his thoughts.

The shorter man closed his laptop and stretched his legs. He felt older than his fifty two thanks to the events of the last two years, what with every project of his facing some problem or the other. The taller man had been some moral support to him in those troubled times. Things had not always been smooth sailing though. The taller man was too different from him. He could not agree with many of the tall man’s activities. But then neither would the tall man agree with his own beliefs and opinions. He got up to leave for the rest room. As he got up, his eyes met the taller man’s eyes. The tall man smiled, catching him unawares and left him a bit dazed. “The simple honest smile of the other still had its charm”, thought the shorter man, as he walked to the rest room.

The tall man kept watching till the other man disappeared into the rest room. “If only he had the excellent physique of the other”, thought the taller man. But then he was never the fitness freak that the shorter man was. Neither did he share the other’s passion for work. He liked his job, while the other loved it. Therein lay the difference. And they disagreed on most things. But irrespective of whether he agreed with the other man or not, he owed a lot to the other man for his present position. It was the other man who stopped him from getting lost in the crowd in Bombay.

“One cannot find two men more different than these two anywhere”, thought the old man, sitting some distance from the two men. He had stopped the perusal of the thick file by then. But neither would one find two people more dedicated and sincere to their job. Therein lay their similarity and probably that is why they could get along pretty well with each other, thought the old man. He did not know whom he liked better. Both were his findings, both were immensely successful and both were loyal to him.He had stopped making comparisons a long time ago. Anyway, he was very glad that he was to be the man to bring them back together. Almost patting himself on the back for that, Balachandar went up to the two men and said,
“If you both are ready, we can go for the first take”.
Both Rajini and Kamal said ‘Yes’ together and followed the sprightly old man.

There was a rumour sometime back that the BIG TWO would reunite in KB's Poi. I used that to write this piece up. I have essentially stuck to the generally accepted perceptions about these two men.

Lara's "TIME"

2006-03-27T11:38:00.000+05:30

Brian Lara "has been quoted as saying that the first hour of each of his innings belongs to the bowlers but what follows, once he had negotiated that period of vulnerability, is 'my time'. " --- THE HINDU MARCH 27 2006

This reminds me of a dialogue in Walter Vetrivel. Sathyaraj roars unnecessarily at the rowdy Kabali (Kapali) after managing to snatch the keys of the lockup of a downtown station from him.

"Government saavi en kayikku vara varikkumthan un TIME....Athakkuparam En TIME"

But knowing Lara's love for movies (remember his famous snap with our Captain Vijaykanth) I would not be surprised, if he was inspired by Sathyaraj. Hehehe

Anyways nice to see the Prince back in good touch. But a pity he missed his 32nd."Come on Brian you have still got the Indians to make mincemeat of."

"Puffing onto paradise" - Poetry

2006-03-13T10:57:00.000+05:30

This is my translation of "Mein Zindagi Ka Saath Nibhata Chal Gaya" . It is not a word to word translation. I have stuck to the spirit and essence of the song. This happens to be my favourite Hindi song. A song as profound and as melodious as this appears once in a blue moon. The singer....ofcourse it is Mohd Rafi...who else!!!! And the lyrics by (I guess) Sahir Ludhianvi.

"Puffing onto paradise"

To the fumes from the cigar,

That the gentle wind blows away,

I add both worry and fear,

That I pick on the way.

Not worth it, I say,

To dwell on misery an defeat.

Not worth it, I say

To cry over the milk spoilt.

A bonfire I make,

Of all my losses.

Into that I throw,

All the old carcasses.

What is chanced upon,

Fate, I call.

What is missed and gone,

I forget it all.

Where grief and pleasure look just the same,.

To be placid and tranquil, the name of the game,

Where joy and sorrow, are not of different kind,

To that superior state, I cajole my mind.

"A case of old wine in a new bottle" - Fiction

2006-03-13T10:07:00.000+05:30

Why do males ogle so shamelessly? They are so downright lecherous. Let one cute young thing walk down the road and all of them stop whatever they were up to and stare brazenly at her. I will have to admit that I am very beautiful. I am not being vain when I say that. You see I owe it to my parentage. My mom is still as beautiful as she was about five years ago. And back then she was already into her middle age. My father who is dead now, was a Casanova of sorts in his prime. I don’t remember anything about him. But I don’t think he would have been able to do all the things which my mother claims he did, without having been pretty handsome. So inevitably I grew up to be very pretty.

I do enjoy all the attention showered on me, but blatant ogling is too much for me to digest. Come on guys, give me a break. Being the centre of attention everywhere is often a pain in the neck. One can’t just walk without a care down the road. I even avoid walking at night. The colony where I stay in is pretty safe, but our neighbourhood is a dirty place. All those road side Romeos….huh… whistling and drooling…yuch.I find them sickening. What do they do for a living? One after all has to feed oneself. I guess they go about stealing food. No sense of dignity. I hate them for that.Look at me. I have a very decent job, perfect for a calm person like me. No major troubles, no deadlines to keep, but still a job which requires responsibility. And whatever they may complain about me, they can’t deny that I do a decent job. Yes, I have had my quota of problems. I can’t help it if I have a loud voice. Can I? And yes I do agree I have over reacted and blown my top on a few occasions. But on the whole I have been pretty well behaved. I hope they are not planning to chuck me. I have grown quite fond of this place. I get to have a room for myself. And they expect me to keep it neat and clean. These house owners can be pretty fussy about such things. I have been trying hard to keep it at the least presentable.

But they do get on my nerves when they treat me as if I am a kid and scold me. But otherwise it is a cool place to live and work at. There is nobody from my age group in the neighbourhood and I like it that way. The garden is my favourite spot in the house. Especially in the summer when it is pretty hot inside, I lie down on the grass in the shadow of the huge trees, which some idiot had planted adjacent to the wall ages back. The roots of those trees had essentially ripped through the walls forming huge cracks in many places along the wall. I take it upon myself to chase away all those children who climb in through the cracks. Let me tell you, it is painful job chasing them away. Kids are so persistent in causing mischief, that sometimes, I end up spending the whole day watching out for them. But one does have to keep the house owner in good spirits, you see.

I eat at the house. They cook some decent food at my place. Not great, but palatable. Initially the arrangement was that I should look out for my own food, but then they realised that I was not being very efficient that way. So they started making food for me in the house. This has worked fine so far. On the whole I lead a happy and joyful life. But there are times when I feel very lonely. I feel desperate for company. Those are the days when I feel like quitting the job and going out into the world and finding that special person made for me. After all, what can equal the company of the loved one…………

But such romantic thoughts are few and far in between. Sooner or later common sense prevails and I realise that being single has its own advantages. And yes you can call me a feminist if you want. Oops….it is getting very hot outside…. I better go inside. After all we dogs do have sensitive skin.

Inspired by Jeffery Archer short stories...may even have a resemblence to one in "A Twist In The Tale" series.